Are you Dating an Undercover Fuckboy?

Are you Dating an Undercover Fuckboy?

So when we are talking about “maintaining” your friendship, it’s mainly making sure this doesn’t happen. Don’t meet too often If a woman sees a man on a daily basis, she likes him and has sex with him, she will eventually feel something stronger than just friendship. To prevent this, a good option will be not to meet too often. Once or twice a week will be enough. Less Kissing There is something extremely romantic in a kiss. You can kiss here and then, but make sure to keep the kiss sexual and less romantic. Have sex together, Sleep Alone Do you stay to sleep together with your male friends? Probably not.

Don’t do that with your fuck-buddy either. Sleeping together is another thing that feels like being a couple. Have sex, fuck each other as hard as you wish, and then go home.ashley mdison Those steps are of course not enough. Of course, you have the obvious things: Treat each other well (I will not teach you how to deal with a friends) and make sure the girl enjoys sex as well (i.e. make sure she gets her orgasms). Anyway, a friendship with benefits will not last forever. If one of you finds a partner for love (boyfriend or girlfriend), it’s more than legit to cancel your settlement. Moving on to romantic relationship together is also an option. Yet, not every woman will agree As I began this post, women are not “Supposed” to agree to sex without a relationship. This is why many women, probably most of them, will not agree to be your fuck-buddy. And that is O.K.

Don’t take this personally, if you were a woman, you would probably resist to casual sex as well. If you met a woman that doesn’t want to be your fuck-buddy, you can still be just friends, or you can choose to date her. I personally believe that even men, eventually, will prefer to have love and a relationship over just sex friendship. So think about it, if that’s really what you want – Just sex without romance? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Sex Tagged in: fb, friends with benefits, fuck buddy, fwb So there you are, thinking “engagement season” occurs between the last two weeks of the year because a lot of people lack imagination and/or feel it’s convenient to combine one of the most important questions they will ever ask with winter holidays and the start of a new calendar. Once January comes, you might think you’re safe.

But then spring arrives. The birds start chirping, the leaves start appearing, and suddenly boyfriends everywhere pull rings out of hiding places, arrange surprise engagement parties, and interrupt your “ladies only” brunches to announce they’ve just asked your friends to marry them. It’s a thrilling time, no doubt—for the engaged. But how do you, as a woman who’s been single so long you’re beginning to wonder if it’s become a permanent trait like having brown eyes, make it through the spring engagement season? How do you navigate the parties and announcements and endless wedding talk without seeming like a bitter, jaded, pitiful person? You could move back to your hometown where everybody else from high school is already married so you won’t have to worry about this types of thing. Or you could just keep the following points in mind: 1. Engagement stories get better with each retelling. Of course, it helps if you institute a drinking game. Each time your engaged friend starts telling the proposal story within earshot, take a shot. Every time she repeats line because someone has interrupted her, drink half a beer. For every pause to show her ring to a listener, drink until the viewer is done examining the diamond. For an embellishment to the story that wasn’t in the original tale, finish your drink.

2. Engaged people speak a different language. Engaged women can’t comprehend a reality other than one in which a woman is either engaged or wants to be engaged. When you announce you’re okay using the idea that you may never have a husband, your engaged friends have no choice but to reply with, “Don’t say that!” and “You can’t predict the future!” and “You’ll find someone!” They can’t see that coming to terms with the possibility of never getting married is a healthy thing and not a signal of defeat. So save yourself from insisting that you’re not saying you’ll never find a husband—just that your life won’t be a waste if you don’t. Instead, smile and simply say, “I hope one day I have what you have.” That’s speaking a language they understand. Pages: 1 2 Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Modern Dating: Ghosting or Growing

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Pages: 1 2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships First dates are not easy. Especially for men.  With women having so many more options than they ever did in the past, and shorter attention spans to top it off, is it more important than ever to bring our “A” game to first dates every single time if we wish to progress towards that pivotal second date.  So lets get down seriously to business and discuss ten dating do’s and don’ts that you should be taking into account when meeting for the first time. 1.  Don’t spend lot of money. Men who spend a lot of money on a first date are often perceived as desperate and trying too hard. First dates are all about deciding whether or not you want to get to know somebody further.  Save the big money for the second date.

2.  Do get a little creative. While we don’t want to break the bank open, we do want to get a little creative with our planning.  Try to find a fun activity at an affordable price.  This not only provides a little bit of entertainment, but takes away from the typical first date boredom of grabbing drinks and dinner that most women have to experience over and over repeatedly. 3.  Don’t talk too much. First dates should be a give and take.  Nobody wants to be talked at, nor do they want to hear how great we are for an hour.  Split the talking and listening time to a fairly even playing field. 4.  Do keep your body language under control. Body language is a window into what we are feeling on the inside.  By fidgeting, not sitting up straight, and avoiding eye contact, we are sending the signals that we are nervous guys who are insecure about ourselves. Confidence is everything to a woman, so do what you have to do to keep the body language the way it should be.

5.  Don’t ask to split the bill. If a woman offers to buy a round of drinks, that is fine.  If she insists on paying for something small during the course of the date, that is fine aswell.  But never ask a woman to split the bill on the first night out.  That is where old school chivalry must remain alive. 6.  Do use a lot of humor. The ability to make a woman laugh is one of the most attractive qualities a man can possess. Laughter is the key to being remembered and thought about long after the date is over. 7.  Don’t be a pushover. Women do not respect men who let them make every single decision, and take control of every situation. Being a nice guy with a backbone is good. Being a doormat is not. Make sure you draw the line between the two. 8.  Do make sure you touch a date.

A little physical contact is not only a good thing, but is critical towards being seen as someone who is more than just a friend. Just make sure that the touches on a first date are innocent. There should be no heavy petting involved. 9.  Don’t force a first kiss. If the first kiss happens, great.  But don’t force it.  an awkward goodbye with a forced kiss, or even worse, a rejected kiss, can destroy an otherwise perfect evening. 10.  Do keep the conversation on the light side. Talking about serious issues, past relationships, and politics are topics that should be left out of a first date. Keep the conversation light, and stick to just getting to know someone on a light and fun level. For more free advice from Joshua Pompey on how to succeed at online dating, click GetREALDates online dating advice. Or click here for some great information on how to write the perfect online dating profile.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Sometimes I really do wonder why I never think of things like this, the Zombie dating profile.  Top random thing I can come up with sometimes is Testicle Kicking contests or midget tossing… sigh Source: Link Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: dating websites, zombies Miss Taylor Cast dishes about cigars and love over at Single Edition. Go checkout her interview Our dear friends over at Single Edition interviewed the lovelier (and much classier) half of the Urban Dater,  Miss Taylor Cast. In their piece she discusses her thoughts on cigars, manly men and why you should never wait for love. Find the article here. Say “hello” and leave a comment. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Interviews Tagged in: interview, single edition, taylorcast That’s a one two combo for ya It’s been a busy week for this guy, but I was very fortunate to get some time away from my daily work and go to an informal TweetUp with some spectacular people.

The Gold Digger & the Sucker.

I think  that’s probably one of the number one things I love most about the Urban Dater and that’s the people that it has put into my life.https://topadultreview.com/

I’ve met some really great people, thought leaders and innovators over the last couple years because of the Urban Dater. I know that both Taylor and I are grateful. Who did this Urban Dater meet? Well, I got to meet some really cool people for the first time, in Real Life or (IRL) as us cool kids like to say. Followin’ His Own Groove Right into LA Well, first off it was great being able to meet Jeffrey Platts in real life. We’ve talked through twitter and shared FB messages from time to time and we were even going to collaborate on a project with some other bloggers a year back or so, but that never came to be. One thing about Jeff is that he’s just as cool as you’d expect him to be. Very laid back and down to earth. He might be moving to LA. The guy is always honest, saturated in wisdom and has wicked tastes for music. Taking off My Social Media Mask is, to this day, among my favorite posts. Next, I finally, finally got to meet the lovely and amazing Jennifer Kelton of BadOnlineDates.com.

We’ve talked before on the phone, RT each others’ stuff #FF and about every other social media method of patting each other on the tush! (Yes, I said “tush” I’m trying to be good today so fuck off!) Jennifer is brilliant and I was overjoyed to meet her and share with her some of the things she’d done to influence what we do here at the Urban Dater. I suggest you check her site out and her project, Dating in Disguise. The Lovely Kelly Seal Also in attendance was the lovely Kelly Seal. We’ve met once before and she’s such a treasure! True story. =) The girl has so many things going on in her life that it makes my head want to egg-splodeded! She’s dealing with all sorts of fun stuff between pitching books, dealing with the fun of newlywed life and a host of other things. At the Urban Dater, we’ve been a big fan of hers for a while and she’s a total sweetheart and gives some pretty fantastic advice. Definitely worth your time to read. Single Tease, Please Lastly, I had the fortune of meeting two truly lovely ladies, Kristin Moore and Tamara Lawrence, the talented people behind SingleTease.com. I was sure I’d hit these ladies up before to do a piece on the Urban Dater. It just goes to show that I cannot, for the life of me, keep my women straight… I’ll have to learn this before my girlfriend throws me into the sun. Their site is great and focuses on bringing singles together for meaningful face to face interactions aka offline dating. They also sell very cool and clever products like cards, and t-shirts. Check them out.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: bad online dates, jeffrey platts, jennifer kelton, kelly seal, single tease Ladies, let me know if you’ve met this guy. Mr. Dashing, tall, handsome, well-endowed falls from the heavens JUST FOR YOU! He’s smart, your friends love the guy and you’re all butterflies about him. You tell him as much and he shares these feelings. Then POOF!

Like an erection running away from Sandra Bernhardt, or a box office fail, he’s gone. Vanished! It’s as if he was never there at all. No calls, no nothing whatsoever. W. T. F? You may think it was something you said or did. It may seem you came on too strong, but if that was true then why was he mirroring your feelings and words?? Ladies, I’ve been this guy. Really, I have. I’m not proud of it ’s certainly not funny; trust me, no woman wants to be in a situation where a guy goes for a bathroom break only to find that her guy straight up left her at the table, formerly for two. Why do we do that? It’s probably because you suck! No, no. I’m kidding, away put your estrogen and vitriol, I mean you no harm. I’ve found myself in situations where I really did think I was ready for something serious with a woman, but only to find that, no, I wasn’t. I was fooling myself.

You might be thinking, “Wow, what an ass bag!” I won’t say that I wasn’t, for effectively leading a woman on… However, things don’t always happen the way we think. I found that I wasn’t ready for a relationship or that I didn’t have the feelings to match those of the women I was with. There’s not always a rhyme or reason, ladies; there just isn’t sometimes. That’s okay; it’s just hard to understand. When it’s right, it’s right! Err… right? Chalk it up to the guy not being ready. There are a mass ton of reasons why. Unfinished ex business; personal turmoil, personal triumph, the dog died, Superman Died… Again. Really. Any number of things could be at play. Stop wondering why. Chalk it up as “another one who bit the dust.” For Runaway Guys, it’s really shitty to just stop calling and go away. That’s immature, the work of a boy and not a man. If the situation isn’t working for us, we need to speak up and say so. We may not tell you exactly why, and, honesty, it’s none of your business.

However, a man needs to be responsible for himself, his feelings and those of the woman whose life he barges in on. Until next time, ladies. Please. Untie me! I’m hungry. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Women, Opinion Tagged in: men and women, Relationships Unquestionably, all of us are exhausting ourselves day and night to keep up with the fast changing times.

Some of us need better job and advanced lifestyle; while others may have their own desires. However, have you ever wondered about that phase of life when you have achieved your goals, what comes next? At this point of time you would realize that you are standing there in the middle of a crowd, but still alone! You have been so busy exploring your needs and wants that you never got time to think about your personal life. So, if you are those types of who wish to find the right person to give you the comfort for sharing the joys and sorrows of life; then there would never be a better time than this. Are you now imagining someone else choosing your life partner? You don’t have to! Things have changed.

Dating and finding partner has taken a whole new meaning with the Web. As, the internet has spread its influence all over the globe; even many of the culturally specific countries, especially the Arabic nations have accepted the concept of online dating. With this occurrence of online matchmaking sweeping across the entire world, singles are finding such sites to be a prime medium to know someone; and eventually initiate the romantic journey of life. There is a long list of people who have found their better halves by surfing these sites. The major reasons for the increased popularity of such websites include- * These sites serve as a platform for singles to socialize and fill colors in their dull and lonely lives. * By interacting with people belonging to different cultural backgrounds, ideas and perceptions, you obtain an opportunity to acquaint yourself about their values customs. * You have the freedom of choosing the best potential partner for yourself, without having to bother about cultural boundaries. Persons having positive experience in the past share that registering with a reputed and reliable site, eases the whole process of finding someone from same cultural background as yours or across cultures. John Lennon has quoted, “Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do; Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too; Imagine all the people, living life in peace”. In simple words, love sees no boundaries. Via these sites, many individuals tend to fall in love with those from different moral system. It is however, advisable to weigh down the pros and cons of cross culture relationships and then proceed further. Pros: * Since you open up your mind to another culture’s tastes and believes; you develop broader perspective towards life. And, with time you become observant and analytical. * Getting along with an individual from entirely different views will demand willingness, patience, persistence and liberalism to accept another person’s point of view, so it helps you to grow as a better human being. Cons: * Compromises are involved. You may have to choose between your cultural inhibitions and staying true to your personality as shaped by your culture and other’s emotions.

It is like giving up your Christian beliefs when you marry an atheist. Can you do that? * You may have to make a huge jump of adjustment and at times, deal with practices that are acceptable in the other person’s society but hurtful to your own. Remember, there is no recipe for guarantying 100% success of a relationship. If both of you are having a gala time together, there is nothing to bother about. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: Arab dating, arab dating sites, arab matchmaking, find me love A stereotypical male probably loves his family, his room-mates and his local football team all in different ways. Yet, when it comes to loving a significant other, there are two main types – and the one you should aim for is far less romantic. Falling in love Let’s first discuss the romanticized ideology described as ‘falling in love’. Essentially, it’s a romantic obsession with a member of the opposing sex. She’s seen as this perfect princess who’s forever in your thoughts. She gives you this serene light-headed, goofy feeling.

She’s your everything and you’ll do anything to keep hold of her. It’s lovely in theory. But, honestly…there are only certain types of guys who ‘fall’ for girls in this way – those who don’t have much else going for them. When you don’t have a lot going on in your life, it’s actually quite easy to fall in love. You’ll probably fall for most pretty girls who show a bit of interest. If you don’t have lots of friends, a promising job, or hobbies to make you really happy, you’ll become so hooked on the happiness she brings, because you’ve experienced nothing else even close to the emotional high of a hot girl’s attention. Often, she doesn’t even have to be hot. When we ‘fall’ in love with someone, our brains inflate their better features and block out their flaws, because we’re so desperate to continue receiving their affection. It’s called co-dependency. This isn’t necessarily unhealthy, but there’s a tendency to end up with women who are completely wrong for you. After all, high-quality women rarely remain in relationships with men who melt at their feet. They aren’t into that. It’s just not what the masculine men they’re after tend to do.

There’s typically only one standard of woman who is attracted to this behavior – and she comes with bad self-esteem. It’s hardly healthy to have to handle her weaknesses as well as your own. The cracks in these co-dependent pairings appear pretty quickly. Jump in love For the high-class man who already feels great about himself, it’s a lot harder to ‘fall’ for a woman. love. The high-class man jumps in love instead. He already has great friends, so he’s not desperate for attention from women. He isn’t felled by female affection because he already has an abundance of it. He’s not blown head over heels by her beauty nor hypnotized by her behavior. He’s seen it all before. He’ll see it all again. He’s already got so much to make him feel great that he can take or leave her love. This high-quality male will naturally attract women with this attitude, but may still choose to stay away from relationships. He doesn’t feel rushed to fall in love. He’s happy to wait. It’s a naturally masculine trait. That’s not to say he’s incapable of loving the right lady.

He’ll give plenty of them a slice of his rollercoaster lifestyle. He’s just less likely to settle for second-best. Then, when he meets a lady that makes his life even better, he’ll make an unclouded choice to invest in her. It’s a CHOICE in the place of an overwhelming urge. It sounds unromantic, but it’s also really unselfish. He doesn’t need her to be happy. She isn’t this perfect Disney princess that will complete him. Yet, because he’s been with enough women before committing, he can clearly see which one has the strengths for a sensational relationship. It’s a logical choice, not an emotional one. That’s what happens when you hold yourself from falling in love with the first woman who need you. This patient approach has the best probability of creating an amazing partnership. Learn to love yourself How can you learn to jump in love instead of falling in love?

The key is to love yourself before you love another. Find a purpose in life that runs deeper than finding a fun girlfriend. Enjoy new experiences. Treasure friendships. Aim to change the world. Become the type of guy that doesn’t have time for a girlfriend, because there’s way too much other great stuff going on. Suddenly, only the most breathtaking girls will be worth spending time with. It’s this non-neediness that wonderful women find irresistible when you take the time to meet them. It’s almost funny how they’ll waltz into your life whenever you don’t need them. He who is happy with or without a relationship won’t fall in love too often. Yet, he’ll almost always have love around him – together with option to seize it whenever he sees fit. The option to jump in love whenever you’re ready. That’s the mark of a high-quality man. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook12Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships I was mad.

Genuinely miffed! There I was, seated and fuming and but a few minutes before I was happily tapping away on my laptop; sure I was commenting on an interesting blog post or looking at porn. I was pretty darn contented! As unlikely as it seemed, I went from happy to “argh” in six seconds flat. So that begs the question: How did I go from “the world is great, babies are cute and let’s hold hands” to “ I want to find a group of puppies and throw them into the sun?” Before we get to that, let’s dive into some background here. On a random weekend my girl friend and I were on a hike, a particularly rigorous one given the heat and a couple sharp inclines. Toward the end of our hike, the topic of moving in together had popped up, surprisingly. What is even more surprising is that I was the one who brought it up. In truth it had been on my mind for a few weeks now. If you read this blog regularly, you would know that I like to “press the action.” That is, if there’s something I need to explore, I’ll definitely talk about it; I don’t like to let things linger. So there it was, I threw the question out there like a live grenade, waiting to see what the fall out would be.

My gal answered fairly positively and the conversation turned that direction pretty easily as we began discussing logistics and hurdles. In all, it was a great conversation, one I was looking forward to talking more about later on. Fast forward about twenty four hours… I was mad and genuinely miffed! I was pissed because I felt cornered. What did I think about marriage? “I think it’s gross,” I replied, in a poor, poor attempt to dodge the question. I knew where this question was coming from. I mean, don’t we all know where this question comes from? People, this question gets asked because, well, the person asking it wants to know if you’re stable; that you’re reliable and trust worthy. Ultimately, they want to know if you’re worth the investment of time and emotion that will yield a marriage or not. The answer is that I do not know, I didn’t have the answer to the question posed by my lady-confidant. I let her know that.

I wasn’t being presented an ultimatum, merely I was presented with something to think about. When I understood where the question was coming from I was able to ease up and not feel “cornered.” In my attempt to be forward thinking I’d inspired some forward thinking in my gal’s head as well. Or, rather, simply forced the issue on a discussion that was long overdue, something that needed to be talked about that neither of us knew how to approach. When thinking about it like this, my frustration subsided, I wasn’t being cornered. Sure, I don’t have an answer or a timeline available, at least not right now. What I do have though is patience and curiosity and a willingness to stick around to discover what happens next. I’m willing to “Walk the Seasons” with my gal, get to know her better, through good and bad, and not be afraid of it and, ultimately, see where this all goes. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: arguments, Dating, living together Yep. Finally.

Not that any of you were really looking for another podcast, but needless to say, it’s here and it’s ready to make your ears bleed. Can you stand it? Probably not. Regardless, at the Urban Dater we know we need to get our asses into gear in the new year. Here’s a few of the topics we cover in this tasty podcast: How to be friends with an ex… again. What an eskimo brother is and how men and women deal differently with this shared brother/sisterhood Ask the Urban Dater – Sexual fetishes So take a listen. It’s gonna be a total hoot! We promise! [powerpress url=”https://theurbandater.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/urbandater-podcast-3.m4a”] Many thanks to DJ Anubus for lending us his brand of awesome music titled ‘Lights out.’ Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Podcasts, Relationships Tagged in: fetishes, podcast LBDs… I am putty for these ladies. The cool thing is they feed me grapes and tell me how wonderful my hair is… Our good friends over at the Dating Market Place, Nic and Neely, wrote up a post on that ever popular question: Can Men and Women be “just friends?” At the Urban Dater, Taylor and I have beat that question to death like a motivated hooker doped up on speed giving a handy to a guy while knowing the cops are making the rounds on her corner. The post covers our take on the subject and actually explores a bit more about Taylor and I before the Urban Dater… Go check out their article and get hot and bothered by their Facebook page… I do. 😉 Besides, you did see their little black dresses, right? Rumor has it they did that just for me.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured, For Men, For Women Tagged in: nic and neely, platonic friends Honestly, the girl’s voice makes me want to slug her in the neck… Anyway, this video reminds me of a time when I told my friend’s step mom that I like to eat puppy dogs. The step mom began to cry and called me “Satan Jr.” That experience told me a great deal about animal lovers. Don’t tell them you eat puppies and you sure as hell don’t tell them to create an eHarmony and then give them a video camera. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook31Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Tips & Advice Tagged in: eharmony, Online Dating The lovely Jen, from Bad Online Dates, shared with us a pretty awesome infograph about my favorite topic! One night stands! Woooooooooooo!!!!  Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex When I take guys out to start approaching women for the first time, nearly every single one has some fear of what they are about to do.

We even have a term for it – “approach anxiety” – the fear of approaching a girl you’ve never met. As well as this, a large proportion of my students also have a fear of moving things on with the girl – in other words making it clear that they’re interested in more than just being friends! (Incidentally many guys have the problem of being put in the friend zone by girls, and a big part of the reason why is because they act like, well, a pussy.) The fears that these guys have are not “real” in the sense that they’re about to ripped apart by a sabre tooth tiger, or shat upon from a great height by a giant pigeon with an extra size arsehole. They are a psychological fear. The fear still FEELS very real in that moment though, that’s for sure. Infact it’s well known that the fear of approaching never really totally disappears, it just becomes more manageable. So as teachers we’ve evolved ways of coaxing students over their fears to show them that they are really not all that bad and nothing terrible is going to happen to them…But despite all the years of teaching, all the articles, even the book that I have written, and videos that have been made on the subject, it basically are summed up by one expression : DON’T BE A PUSSY. The only way to get over these fears is to just fuc**ing DO IT. This has been proven time and time again, because in doing it, you begin to learn to control the involuntary micro behaviours that your body will start to exhibit when you have a dump of adrenaline..In many ways, approaching a hot girl for the first time you’ve never met can activate equivalent fight or flight response that you’ll get when some ugly shaven headed thug starts mouthing off and squaring up to you outside the local nightclub on a Friday night! Unlike the possibility of a big working class fist landing onto your beak if you get into these kind of scrapes, in 99% of cases the worst possible outcome if you approach a girl and she’s not interested in you (and be warned, most girls won’t be interested in you unless you are SUPER hot!), will be that she walks off. Possibly a quizzically raised eyebrow or a bit of eye rolling.. But the benefits are out of this world…Jumping into bed…or the local field, or a Starbucks toilet for passionate sex with a girl you only met an hour earlier tends to open your eyes to what is possible in the most pleasurable way imaginable..And it all begins by grabbing your balls, squaring your shoulders and going for it. Don’t be a pussy.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Men Tagged in: advice for men, attract women, Dating, meet women Yeeeaaaaah.

  Angry women.  I’m not gonna lie, I kind of think an angry woman is hot which is why Shannon Daugherty ruled my world for such a long time.  No judgers, damn you!  Anyway, the woman I’m seeing, well, we got into an argument… We ended up “sexing” things out.  Wait! What?  What is this voodoo you speak of???!  Patience Padawan Learner.  I’d like to explain…Women; all they want is respect and some courtesy at the end of the day.  So with my girl breathing fire and kicking puppies I knew the next few words out of my mouth needed to be respectful, courteous and appeal to her reasoning.  Telling her to “stop being a bitch and also make me some hummus,” in retrospect, is probably what landed me in the hospital for a few hours… That said, here’s what I suggest: Own it – That’s right, own it.  What I mean is that your woman isn’t mad for no reason, she’s pissed because of something in particular.

  If you try to give her the facts of the situation when she’s inflamed she’s likely to rip your mandible pecker off and knock you silly with it.  Instead tell her “Okay, okay. Can we talk, I didn’t realize that this was such an issue,” or “My bad, I’m sorry, but can we explore this?” Try to calm her by getting more feedback from her.  The key is to LISTEN! Don’t Hulk Up – Women and pissing contests go about as well together as your penis, a water-filled bath tub, and plugged-in electronic appliances; that will be to say none of them go together very well at all.  Don’t fight fire with fire here.  You will lose and YOU will be the jerk. Remember that and also, the key from item 1. is to listen and ask her why she feels how she feels. If she wants to be left alone, oblige her – Many times women don’t want to deal with whatever is making them angry.  I’m a confrontational person in a relationship, I like to force the action when possible because I think that’s a good way to get everything on the table.  This is great if the world worked and thought the way I do… But it doesn’t and so I have to check my ego.

When a woman is ready to talk, you’ll know.  Respect her imposed solitude.  This one’s especially tough because, really, I want to strike as soon as the iron’s hot.  A friend of mine is upset with me, but refuses to keep in touch with me because she’s upset.  If she were a guy I’d be over at their place rapping on the door and bust it down, but women are just different… Get specifics – This one can be tricky because she may tell you that you’re an asshole and insensitive.  Okay, about what?  We men deal in specifics, esoteric terms.  Ask her questions about how she feels.

There is something specific that she’s upset about, unless she’s a complete loony. Just be patient and help her understand that you want to get to the issue and work things out. Did you guess that listening helps here?  Well, it does.  Also, I’ve found from my many years spent in retail management this one clever way to calm people down is to restate their question and say it back to them. Not only will it show you are listening, but that you are also trying to understand the issues at hand. Sex it out – If you are a brave and bold soul you can try the angry sex experiment. You’ll never know if it’s going to work unless you try.  Either this will be a brilliant stroke of genius or she will knee you in the beans and send your sorry ass packing.  That’s quite a risk for reward scenario.  I am able to tell you that I chose the ‘sex it out’ scenario… After we were able to talk about things civilly.  Again, use with caution. So if your woman wants to beat the snot out of you in a violent non sexy way you have a few methods at your disposal. If they don’t work, run like Forrest Gump. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men, Tips & Advice, Uncategorized Tagged in: fights, Relationships In talking with my friend, Rod, recently, he told me about Melina and how she was still contacting him, though it’s seemed to taper off completely.  However, just a couple weeks ago she sent him a series of text messages and then an email… I’d say that these are less crazy than the ones she previously sent.  It’s amazing that some people just don’t get the hint and gracefully leave “well enough” alone.  That said, more from Melina. Over a month after they met, at least two weeks removed from Melina’s last message: Melina: Did you obtain my email? Melina: I wish you would tell me to fuck off or call you eventually. Argh! Melina: Gonna try to call u later At 2:15 am Melina: Hi. U awake?

Rod: Hi Melina. Got ur email and read it. I’m not going to tell you to fuck off because I’m a gentleman. However, I think it’s probably a good idea if we don’t keep in touch with each other anymore. Melina: I’ll forget you and your number. No worries. Now this one, Rod accidentally calls her from his phone and her replies to that… Melina: Called me on accident Melina: How is it that you called me on accident? I called you once this way and you dismissed me yet you’ve done it more than a few times to me and I’m “forgiving”? Rod: I don’t know why my phone is retarded.

I’m sorry for bothering you. I keep locking the keys and it keeps calling you. Again, sorry. Melina: that’s the thing, y ou’re not bothering me. YOU 86’d our friendship and I went ahead and completed your request by getting rid of everything of yours on my phone. As much as it irks andhurts me a bit to say this, delete my stuff too. After all, Rod, we can’t be friends and you don’t think we should talk, right? Melina: I remember your phone number because I have this Rain Man thing that I remember numbers so I know it’s you even although you aren’t in my phone. Rod: I’m sorry that my phone keeps calling you, I figured out why. Your number was set to a speed deal. I just removed it, won’t happen again. Truly sorry. Melina: honestly that was what I thought but I figured it would’ve automatically deleted itself when you deleted me as a contact.

Like I said, I’m open to friendship when and if you’re willing. Take care. a day later… melina: did you obtain my email? An email crafted by the persistent Melina for Mr. Rod From: Romero, Melina Date: Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 9:04 AM Subject: hey To: [email protected] Hi. Last night was strange. Waking up to a phone call from you was surprising and oddly enough, exciting. When I picked up the second time (because you called twice, I missed it once) I heard a lot of background noise and proceeded to say hello for a few seconds. That’s when I realized it was accidental. I also listened to the voice mail you left thinking maybe you had something to say, but again, only background noise. I was a bit disappointed but, shit happens for a reason right? With that being said, I hope you find yourself doing well and I welcome a (real) call from you anytime. Melina By the way, I was sorting through some of my things and found what I was supposed to give you when we were supposed to hang.

It was a “Growing Valentine Friend” sponge-thingy. It was a yellow heart that swells up when you let it soak in water. Pretty ironic since soon after I bought it, we stopped being friends completely… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: texting If only you could actually punch heart break ala Scott Pilgrim. That would be SOOO awesome! Heart break. Dealing with a heart break sucks! In my mom’s continuing development from her own recent heart break she has taken up with eHarm’s free communication week and has called me… A lot. Talking to my mom frequently isn’t a problem, I adore my mum! She’s just having a hard time after being dumped by her “boyf.” All of this was exasperated by the fact her best friend saw the dude at the grocery store with another woman… Ouch. I had to cringe at this one. My poor mom! So what advice did I have to impart? First off, I’m not great at real time advice giving; it’s why I write on this damn blog in the first place! Secondly, if there’s one person I’m bad at giving advice to, it’s my mom.

I told her the best way to get over someone, was to get under someone new… Yeah. Go me! Ugh. I think the first question in anyone’s mind, after a breakup, is why? What happened? Why did “so and so” cheat? Was I not good enough? Or, as in my mother’s case, “How can someone just fall out of love so quickly?” I told her: “Mom, it’s not your problem. Stop asking that question.” Sure, these are natural questions and they may need answers, but I’m going to tell you that the answers to those questions aren’t going to come and you’ll drive yourself dragon-shit –crazy.

Yeah, “dragon shit!” High brow stuff, kids, keep reading. There is an inherent need to “pick up the pieces” to ask the “whys.” However, it’s important to maintain focus on ourselves and not on the person who used our heart like a kick ball. The “whys” either get answered or life renders the answers irrelevant anyway… These were things I told my mom, of course. Then she asked me: “Son, you give really good advice.” I brushed it off, because I’m the types of guy that gives advice to people who want to make someone break up with them. I’m the kind of guy that gives advice on how to manipulate someone into loving you… I’m a turd, but a turd that’s had his heart stomped, broken and pieced back together more than a few times over the years. Heart break, it gives you nasty indigestion and strong bones! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: broken heart, heart break, how to deal, love, suck Penis ringsYou can get a lot of pleasure out of one of these, and although they are relatively cheap to buy, there is nothing cheap about the sex that you can experience when your partner wears one of these. A Penis Ring is exactly that, a small ring that is placed at the base of the shaft regarding the penis and it is designed to provide direct clitoral stimulation during sex by way of vibration or through the bumpy texture that it may have. Getting your partner to use one of these little gadgets is an exciting way of improving his sexual performance and will go a long way to working for you achieve an orgasm.LingerieWhere would the art of seduction be without some lingerie to help you entice your man into the bedroom? A bit of role play or dressing up to live out a particular fetish or fantasy is a sure fire way to ignite the flames of passion so discuss with your partner what they would really like to see you wearing. Perhaps your man has a thing about stockings or a lacy corset, or maybe he would wild to see you in thigh high boots, whatever it is that turn you on, will certainly have the desired effect when you stand at the doorway brandishing that whip, dressed in your leather outfitKeeping a well stocked adult toy box in the bedroom is essential for keeping the relationship hot, so stock up as soon as you are able to. Online stores like http://www.allureoutlet.co.uk sell adult toys online, you can order from the comfort of your home and all deliveries are discretly packaged and labelled.Tom Grant is a licensed couples therapist in New York City. An avid blogger, he loves to share his knowlege with couples on the web.    Pages: 1 2Signup for Our NewsletterGet Us in Your Inbox!Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…Share This ArticleFacebook4Tweet0Pin0Pages: 1 2 Posted in: Sex Tagged in: adult, Sex, Sex Toys A lot of nice, wholesome and family oriented sites have weekly recaps… We’re not one of them… Well, we’re not wholesome anyway and we’re okay with that; given that you’re reading this, we’re certain you’re a few shades of dysfunctional as well. That makes Taylor and I feel comfortable in life.

So let’s get on with this Weekly Review, dammit! What you may have missed last week: We were featured on the NYtimes.com –  Susan Haigh interviewed us about online dater safety and state legislation going through requiring online dating providers to screen their members.See that article here. Sunday Sass – Taylor puts up her very first Sunday Sass article, which you can read here. She dishes about rebounds, and no, we’re not talking about the kind you scoop up off the glass during a basketball game. Hangover Coffee Klatch – Not that anyone really cares, but I penned up some thoughts on what it might take to get a startup dating business going. Click the link to fairly share your thoughts. Random dweeb uses Facebook ads to stab his middle finger in the eye of sites like Match, True and eHarm. I’m only upset, because this jerk-off thought of it first! We featured a new guest post, featuring the lovely and insightful Tamera Lawrence of SingleTease.com. She made me hungry with her post on dating and Chicken Curry Sandwiches! We wrote up a piece in response to Match.com’s decision to begin screening their users against criminal databases.

While I know most of you are not fans of the Portland Trailblazers, I don’t know how anyone can deny how amazing their game was against the Mavs last night! Peel me off the floor, I’m still dreamin’!B-Roy for president!!! Oh and don’t forget to chime in on our Insomnia Club post for April. Word. Stay tuned this week as we’ll be discussing the merits of penish shock therapy, mud wrestling on a first date and whether or not Taylor will use her boobage to kill a man. There is one last thing you can do for us: Follow us on Twitter @theurbandater and also ‘like’ us on Facebook, pretty please Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Uncategorized Tagged in: nytimes.com xxx.xxx.

I’m waiting for that trainwreck of a porn site. Maybe Vin Diesel will have a sex tape with the Oompa Loompa Aquatics Team. Hooray! Oh, I can’t wait for Fast and Furious 10!!! Well, well, well, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (aka ICANN) has decided to render a decision regarding the .XXX tld (top level domain). That decision is “let them have pornography and eat it, too!” Or something equally ridiculous. Actually this is something that was supposed to happen some time last year. However, the decision got stalled due to pressure from several governments who were hell-bent on blocking the approval of the porn TLD. This has been a debate that’s been raging for a while and looks to have concluded. However, I’d expect many governments to have a further say on the matter. Personally, I don’t see issue with having a .xxx domain for adult-related websites. Some would argue that providing a .xxx domain would give credibility to adult content producers and some how glorify what they do. Um, i’d like to interject here: If you are a producer of products where people have sex, you’re going to get glorified by a lot of freaking people. I don’t see how giving adult content producers their own corner of the web makes what they do any more or even less important.

Whether you like it or not, the adult industry is a significant money making industry in American and pays taxes on the things we all enjoy. Let’s give a round of reach arounds to ICANN due to their part of internet history. Furries.xxx? Seems like a good, if entirely annoying play to me. Why did ICANN approve the .XXX TLD anyway? ICANN did this more out of putting this issue to bed than anything else. What’s funny to me is that some of the opponents of this decision are actually adult content producers! Their feeling is that the .xxx “will ghettoize” the industry with even worse smut than what is already available. I’d buy that for a dollar. I mean, how much worse could it get? Unless that smut includes some sort of Furry porn, I’m not terribly concerned.

The fact of the matter is that porn has been around in a variety of packages since the time of baby Jesus. Does the .xxx domain really make the industry any more “legitimate?” Does it “ghettoize” the industry? First off, whoever said “ghettoize” needs to get punched in the neck; I hate that term. I really don’t see how it does. Also, I don’t see that the .xxx TLD will help reduce the porn already attached to .com TLDs. Really, it’s a marketing tool for the adult industry, pure and simple. It’s just one more thing they can use; not that having .com was hurting the industry in any way. What do you think? Is the .xxx top level domain bad for society? Does it provide more legitimacy to the pornography and adult industries? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex Tagged in: adult content producers, adult entertainment, pornography, xxx Dating during a downturn isn’t as hard as it seems kids. Dating isn’t cheap. A couple years back, before I’d met my ex-girlfriend, I was going on a dating tirade, I’d call it. At one point I was dating four women at the same time.

One of which was my former partner-in-blog. And I was taking these women out, for dinner, drinks and other things that, you know, cost a few bucks. I wasn’t the guy that would ask a girl to generally meet him at a Starbucks for coffee and roll up with my own teabags and ask the Barista for only a cup of hot water. That wasn’t me. It still isn’t. So after about a month of actively going out with four women I realized something. Dating ain’t cheap. It drains an account quickly if you’re offering to pay, and I always do. At that point, the support structure began to wane, I’d be dumped twice by Taylor Cast at that point, and I’d sent out my infamous mass-text breakup message. Things were okay and I had managed to find yet one other person to date in the meantime and kept things “simple.” Simple is good and simple is cheap. That said, as I’m out in the wild again, I’ve “gotten available to you” a few times and have had fun, but dating isn’t any cheaper now than it was a couple years back. So I’ve had some insights since and I’ve thought about how we could well keep our dates under $40. Now, to some of  you, forty bucks is still lot of money. And it is for me as well, however, a typical date I go on is about $60 to @120ish… It’s not that I’m splurging, but I make it a point to go to interesting spots with good food and drink and entertainment. I went out with this one gal named Seiger Neinhalt ( not her real name, of course) who is pretty awesome in every way. There just wasn’t a romantic spark.

I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a tool and she’d be right to think as much. Anyway, I went on some fun dates with her that were, I feel, inexpensive. Go to a local brewery and bring a board/card game or two with you. Because I’m a big ol’ boozer, it was my idea to go get drinks at a fave brewery of mine. The thing I forgot was that the place is clearly stocked with board games! We each had a couple beers and some pretzels. We played the Worst-Case Scenario board game. Hilarious! I was out less than 30 smacks to the face, kids. Good times! Go to a freaking weird-ass museum! As many of you know, I have less culture than cottage cheese. What the fuck would I do at a museum? I would go crazy. That’s what I would do. Unless you go to the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Culver City!!

This place has exhibits that are strange. Ranging from dead mice on toast to a rooftop garden. This place will suck time from thin air and before you know it, you’ve left the place three days as time goes by, five weeks ago at 4pm Mountain Standard Time!!! Whooooaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! What the fuck? Indeed. What the fuck! Go to here! Seiger was a peach of a date and she was having a blast, as was I. The oddities throughout were amazing as heck! Combined with dinner, just shy of $40 smacks to the pee pee hole. Another gal I’d met was very and was intrigued with my goal to run a half marathon. She offered up a suggestion of going out for a jog. Good idea! Great idea actually. We were having some really warm weather at the time, my date would be in less clothing and I could better see what I was working with. Do something active other than having sex – Her name was Herzog Greindsmaalter.

Herzog suggested we go for a run at the Rose Bowl. Twice around the Rose Bowl is a 10k or 6.2-ish miles. By this point, I’d nearly ran 13 miles, so this wasn’t a big deal… Of course Herzog was apparently a world-beater when it comes to running and ran 6 miles in, like, 6 minutes I’m pretty sure. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling completely adequate after our run. She took in stride though, so that was nice and she also bought me a beer afterward… Also nice and also a way to let a guy down with a pat on the back while saying “good luck, fella.” Yeah. Price of run and getting ass handed to you? $none dollars. Can I pay in tears and self-pity? Invite friends over __or__ invite yourselves over to friends play, to watch movies and drink booze – I like this idea. It costs between $10 to $20 bucks which covers the cost of pizza or some random food and booze. Nice. Assuming you’re at a point with your date that you can introduce each other to your respective social circles this makes outstanding cheap option and also provides some additional insight as to what your friends think about your beau or needed intel on your date’s friends.

Are they freaks? Are they genuinely shitty axe-murdering types of people? Oh and watch some shitty movies while you’re at it. During the holidays it can be rough to find time to do things. But there are a couple things to do. I’m part of a running group and we recently did an explain to you a neighborhood saturated in residents that probably partake of too much Speed and/or Cocaine. I believe it’s the East Lake Village in the land of Gracious Living, aka Yorba Linda. The lights were impressive, as was Santa, who was on a muther effin’ boat! Go do something seasonally relevant – Birds of a feather flock together. This applies to many things and includes crazy people staying in close proximity that turn on X-mas light shows, regardless of how bad it may be for the planet. During Christmas, it can be seeing lights, during Fall, it could be pumpkin shopping, whatever. You end up spending few bucks, but having a great time. In any case, you’re bound to save a few bucks using these tips as you plan out your dates in this downturn economy.

Join me next week when we talk about “the Art of Small Talk.” Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas Tagged in: 30dayblogchallenge Definitely Not! If you’re a novice to the dating scene, chances are your idea of a good first date is dinner and a movie. But i’d like to warn you fellas, taking a girl to notice a romantic comedy might seem like a good idea t the time, but trust me, it’s a trap. RomComs will be the downfall of your love life. I’d like to explain. When a woman watches a romantic comedy, she doesn’t see what you see. She doesn’t see actors who went through hours of hair and makeup performing pre-written lines for movie cameras. What she sees is a future. She sees you sweeping her off her feet the way Ryan Gosling is doing it on the big screen, and once that bar is set, there’s no bringing it back down to a more realistic height. It’ll be up there forever. As soon as the movie starts, her expectations are going to soar, starting with the comparison of the meet cute. What’s a meet sweet, you ask?

Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like: A cute way for two people to generally meet. RomComs never have a normal meeting. They didn’t meet in a coffee shop or through online dating or by getting set up by friends or however two met. They meet although the guy is stitching orphaned burn victims at his job as a doctor in a third world war zone. When she realizes you a) didn’t have a meet pretty and b) aren’t a heroic doctor who saves children on a daily basis, she’s going to be disappointed in you before the relationship even starts. And the abs! Did you know your six pack are supposed to be flexed all the time? If you don’t have abs, you might aswell be the town drunk. You’ll never watch a RomCom with a guy that looks like you staring in it (no offense, bud). These guys are the reason *Nsync wrote God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You. I’m not gay ( not that there’s anything wrong with that), but I’m fully confident JC Chaze is thinking about Hugh Grant when he sings that song. Sure you might have put on your nicest sweater vest and brushed your teeth for an extra few seconds, but when you’re being compared to Gerard Butler’s 300 body, you’re going to look like Steve Buscemi.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Let’s say you are as handsome as Brad Pitt. Congratulations on that! But what are the chances you’re as good in bed as any one of his characters? Do you have an orchestra playing you custom violin music which comes to outstanding crescendo just as you both climax at the same time, which happens to be an amazing balance of appropriate sex length and not long enough for you to be sweaty? No? Oh… Well did you at least have a $ 700-a-night hotel room that looked out onto the skyline of the beautiful city you’ve taken her to for the weekend? What do you mean you’re doing it in your bedroom?! No characters in the history of cinema have ever had great sex in unique bedroom. Let’s face it fellas, that romantic gesture you might think you’re doing by taking your girl to see the new Justin Timberlake chick flick is actually slowly killing your sex life. Do yourself a favor and stay away from RomComs! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: advice, Dating, humor, movies, Relationships Cole Harmson I adore Cole Harmonson (@premiddleage) over at http://premiddleage.com.

She’s a fun gal and usually saturated in good advice and stories from a life spanning nearly f-f-f-orty years. 😉 I haven’t known her long, but she was one of the first Tweeps I met off Twitter and she’s been kind enough to grace me with her presence on more than one occasion. To celebrate her incremental advance toward “pre-middle age” Cole is asking for a little help from her friends. In the place of gifts she’d like to see people give the gift of kindness. 38 acts of kindness to be precise! That said, I’m going to post the project details below. THE PROJECT. In the place of getting presents, I’m requesting and challenging you to perform ONE MITZVAH, one act of kindness, by June 16 in honor of my birthday. My goal is for 38 acts of kindness to be performed. Really, I’m hoping for many more but I like themes. (I’m an event planner.) Some things people did last year for our project: Bought a homeless woman breakfast. Put an extra special snack in their kids lunch. Babysat for a couple so they could go out. Gave money to a charity.

Bought coffee at Starbucks for strangers. Paid a elderly couples dinner tab anonymously. Forgave. Asked forgiveness. Join me? Forward this link to your friends? Giving everyday is beautiful but if you’d give for my birthday that would really bless me and bless someone else and probably bless you, too.  Share and we’ll post what happens from Twitter, My Blog and Facebook. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: cole harmonson, premiddleage Christina Hendricks is my role model, so when I asked The Chicago Snob to guest post and this is what he sent me I was thrilled. Enjoy faithful readers! -Taylor Cast Way back on April 19, Esquire Magazine published a Letter to Men (read now, before continuing) from Christina Hendricks, then voted the best-looking woman in America, by women (see number 18).  This letter has recently received some renewed attention in my social circle, so I thought this might just be a terrific opportunity to chime in and respond directly to Christina Hendricks, on behalf of all men: Dear Christina, On behalf of all men everywhere, thank you!  Despite claiming to be superior communicators, men around the planet have never really heard this direct of a message coming from any woman.

 Reading your letter was very refreshing and reaffirming.  I thought that since you were kind enough to lay it on the line for us (men), that I would return the favor and lay it on the line for you (women), so here goes: We love your body too. Why do you might think we (men) practically break our necks trying catch a glimpse of you walking down the street?  Ladies, please trust me when I say, there is nothing more attractive to a man than the beauty and complexity of a woman. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, or embarrassed about regarding your physique. If we’re with you (read, “physically intimate”) it’s because we’re attracted to you both mentally and physically.  Yes, that means that we see you as the radiant, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching, fantastic being that you are. If, for any reason, you might think that we are not attracted to you, it’s probably just your own insecurity on loud-speaker.  Either that, or you just yelled at us, or have been yelling at us, or blaming us for something, or emasculating us for some other reason (e.g., domination and control), which will always backfire on you. We know you remember forever. However, that doesn’t excuse the fact that you have to give us room to say stupid shit.  We both know that sometimes men say things that make no sense, or that you find insulting, etc., etc., etc., and we (men) know that you’re always going to remember exactly what we said, how we said it, what we were wearing when we said it, along with every other little detail, and then use it against us in any remotely-applicable argument later, whether it be two weeks or two decades down the road. Get this: we (men) are not going to remember any of that, ever, under any circumstances, and even if we do, our recollection is going to be different than yours, and you will perceive it as wrong, which will only make you more upset.

The thing I want you, and all women, to take away from this, is that if a man makes a comment to you about how you look, he means it as a compliment, even if you don’t hear it by doing this. Never complain about your friends… or ours. Bottom line, if you open up about someone, it gives us license to go after them too.  If you have a complaint about someone, especially about one of your friends, you really need to take it up with that specific individual because it will make a significant difference.  Gossiping to us, and enrolling us into your complaint about your friend only destroys our listening of you and the person you’re gossiping or complaining about.  In other words, be responsible for your communication.  And while you’re at it, if you have a complaint about one of our friends, be an adult and bring the complaint to him/her directly, and leave us out of it.  If you feel disrespected by one of our friends, tell us and we’ll handle it man-to-man. There’s a huge difference.

Same for your friends and family.  If your mom or sister has a compliant about us or something we did, they really need to bring it to us directly and leave you out of it. In the end we will respect and love your family more for it. When you complain to us about our friends, we think that you don’t like them, and that you won’t like us if we keep hanging out with them.  This is what has men be alienated from their friends when they’re dating a woman. Instead, encourage us to have a guys night out, or go running, or check out the latest guy flick with one ( or a group) of our bros.  It will have us see you as secure in our relationship and in who you are, and will prompt you to lot more attractive to us. I love Scotch. However, some guys don’t.

 Not all guys are men of sophistication and taste.  Thank you for recognizing sophistication when you see it, I just wish more women were like you.  Case-in-point, I was out on a date not to long ago and was chastised for enjoying Scotch and cigars, because it dated me, terribly.  Mind you, the woman I was out with is only four years my junior, and I’m going on 31 years-old. Facebook. Don’t put anything out there that you don’t want anybody who doesn’t know you to see or know.  ‘Nuff said? I don’t think so.  When out on a different date, with a different woman, earlier this summer, I found out that the woman I was out with had even gone so far as to look up my LinkedIn profile.  Wanna talk about creepy?  She knew my resume better than I did!  Game over. Shorts and tank tops. Agreed. What about cargo shorts ( at the knee) and flip-flops?  You know what, let’s just both save each other some time and energy and end this whole debacle by agreeing that we (men) don’t know how to dress. (all men out there about to disagree, STFU!

I’m getting us points!) As a matter of fact, we hate getting dressed and having to coordinate things, etc.  We would much rather just run around naked. Would you women please do us ( and you) a HUGE favor and just use us as your dress-up dolls?  Please? Panties. Umm, personally, I find them (and lingerie) pointless. In the words of the rapper Petey Pablo, you should “know where your clothes ‘sposed to be [off and over there!]”  However, if you insist on wearing panties, they should be thongs, or ones with frilly lace on the backside, that don’t show pantie lines.  My friends and I mock the VPL’s (visible pantie lines) and find them incredibly unattractive… like Hasselhoff in a Speedo. About ogling. Don’t put it out there if you don’t want it to be noticed, or looked at… or ogled.  Men are hard-wired to be visual creatures. That’s a biological fact, so don’t even think about arguing against it.  Those of us who that you don’t catch ogling, are just smarter about it than the other idiots at the bar. We know that you value intelligence and eye-contact, so we only ogle when you’re not looking… or when we’re looking down to find our glass of Scotch.

Breast implants are no further attractive than the real thing. We just want you to feel as sexy as you are to us.  If having cosmetic surgery gets you to feel that way, awesome.  Just know that if we’re with you, we love you, all of you, exactly how you are and exactly how you’re not. It’s not a pee-pee. Sure, if you’re talking about a newborn or a toddler, or even a young boy, gotcha.  However, no grown man’s anatomy, regardless of size, should ever be referred to as anything cute-sounding, ever.  If you don’t want to call it something powerful, or dominating, just call it a penis.  That’s what it is and we can handle it. Once you call it anything cute-sounding, you may aswell just forget about having it rock your world ever again. Marriage changes very little. THANK YOU!  Marriage is not a license to get fat, for either of us!  It’s also no reason to allow yourself to go unkempt, so continue all treatments of Brazilian origin.  Oh, and we don’t want to see you use the restroom, either.  Wanna know why?

 Because sometimes I like to eat at that taco stand and I would prefer not to have that image in my head while doing so.  Capice?  Oh, and while I’m at it, please do not try to keep in touch with me if I’m in the bathroom and the door is closed.  I closed the door because I want privacy.  If I was open to communicating, I would have left the door open. As for getting laid, you don’t need to seduce us, or kiss us all over to get us in the mood.  Actually, when you do, we tend to think that you’re up to something, or trying to make up for something you did, or being otherwise deceptive, manipulative, and conniving. All you have to do to turn us on is disrobe.  Leave the lingerie and other sexy outfits for role-play.  If you like us, get nekked, that’s all you have to do. One of the sexiest things a woman has ever done to excite me was to come out of the bathroom in her bra and panties, right after we had returned to my place from brunch.

 My jaw nearly hit the floor and I was instantly in the mood. Sleep naked. Wearing anything to bed except your skin tells us you don’t want to be touched… or that it’s that time of the month. Hopefully this reciprocates a little insight into the male-female dynamic and psyche.  Happy 2011! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, For Men, Opinion, Tips & Advice Tagged in: christina hendricks, facebook, marriage As I’ve written about several times on this blog in recent months, my girlfriend and I broke up. We’re exes to one another now and while we’re not together, we still talk, we’re still friendly… it’s still awkward.

But it’s going to be okay, man. When I would tell myself that, I didn’t believe it… But now I do. Coming out of a breakup “on the other” side is a process, but I woke up one day and I “felt” like I’d “made it.” It was weird. I suppose I need to put things in context before I get too far ahead. I would say that, in the back of my mind, I knew that the topic of kids would come to a head and there would be a chance it would end the relationship. I chose to ignore it. On another note, if I ever get cancer, I’ll probably suck at it and ignore it, too. I was afraid of how things would go; how they would end up… Specifically, I was afraid of what would happen to me. Would I be loved again? Would I find someone who got me? Would I find that connection with someone else. I didn’t have the answers, or the self-assurance to answer yes to any of those questions. Then I was reminded of this little post on our site: https://theurbandater.com/uncategorized/dancing-in-the-rain.php.

At the time, this post meant little to me. Sure, it was well-written, but I didn’t relate solely to it. Fast forward some months and I get it. Like a sucker punch to the face, when groping a stripper at one of them no-grubby-paws clubs and the stripper yells “HANDS!” Yeah. Like that. While fearing the unknown is an expected and natural response, it is irrational. It makes no sense. Why work yourself up over that which you don’t know and can’t control? I’m still working on this one. The thing is, my relationship ended when it needed to. One of my good friends told me over the weekend that when two people realize that their futures are irreconcilably different, then it’s time to part ways rather than drag things on… That conversation, though, came from a realization that I had shared with this friend. Over the holidays I stayed with a gal who lives quite a distance from me. We found in each other a lot of things that provided comfort. For me, I found someone I could just be myself with, who gave me attention and cared about what was going on and was weird like me as well.   We connected. When we met up, things clicked in a way I couldn’t have anticipated.

Sure, we got on just fine before we met, but when you’re face to face you don’t know how things will play out. What happened was two people came together, took a deep breath and said “we’re going to let this be what it is and see where it goes.” And so we did… Turned out, I had top week I’d had since… forever + five days. The doubts I had, the second guessing, this irrational fear… It all melted away. As much as I’d like to say I “logicked” the shit out of it, that wasn’t the case. It took someone else to show me that “it’s going to be okay.” I don’t think either of us were trying to be “that person” for the other, it just turned out that way… I feel we each imparted a type of assurance in the other, for lack of a better phrase… It’s how it went down, man. When I got home, I felt weird; I felt empty again. I’d just spent five days of awesome, with an awesome gal and here I was again. Home.

In my empty apartment, with an empty bed… No one to come home to. I was numb for a few days. Then, one morning I woke up. And I’d awaken from a weird, weird dream. It was of my ex and I. I can’t remember much of the dialogue. But we were sitting down and we were trying to guess what the other person was trying to say. And every guess was wrong. It didn’t make way too much sense, but when I woke up, I felt at peace… Weird as it sounds. Although the proper analysis of this dream is that I want to “G G Rub” with a female Bonobo ape, I think I prefer my analysis more. It just didn’t work out and there’s not much I could do about it and be happy. So, here I stand, on the other side of the break up and I’m good. As good as one can be, but I’m good. I owe a special thank you, to someone who is amazeballs. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships, Self Get laid, or get paid. I thought the two were mutually inclusive… Am I wrong? With the Urban Dater, we’re often presented with interesting opportunities and sometimes freebies. Like a free Brazilian Waxing! Or laser hair removal kits. Well, this time, we got to notice a movie on the cheap. A premiere screening, at that, sans red carpet. Hollywood Sex Wars opens up with “Men are trying laid and women be tryin’ to get paid…” That pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the film.

Paul Sapiano writes and directs this film, which I’m sure is destined to be a cult favorite amongst… Dudes. No lie. Well, and Lesbians and bi-sexual sorts as well. To Get Paid or to Get Laid. That’s the Question… Right? The movie essentially covers the pathetic sexual lives of Max, Aaron and Glen and how they’ve become sick of hooking up with trashy women… Which is funny, since these guys are trashy, too. It gets into their head to hit up Mr. Game himself, Johnny Eyelash. No, no. While I did say “Game” this guy is not about “Game” nor is he representative of the Manosphere. He’s just there to be the Mr. Miyagi of Poon; master of the 9 inch pussy punch of death, if you will. With our three pathetic limp dicks under the tutelage of one Mr. Eyelash (what kind of fucking name is that anyway?) they set out upon the hot and sexually promiscuous ladies of Hollywood. Of course there’s a training montage.

You gotta have one of those! However, being cunning linguists is not enough of our heroic cheese-dicks. The women, too, have organized. Assembling a douche bag database to help warn the sisters in their party. Yes, there IS an app for that, according to this movie. Its not long before the girls, led by Big Wendy (Jenae Alt) and Little Wendy (Eli Jane) pick up on Johnny’s tactics and Hollywood becomes one big booby trap. The thing that sticks out most for me, other than some of the bulges I saw at the screening was the copious use of the titty. From the opening scene all the way through to the mismatched boob-job mishap. Were there anymore flesh revealed, I’d have just gone to the store and purchased Face Jam, or the all-time classic Edward Penis Hands. Titty is good for the soul, like chicken noodle soup on a cold winter evening… So is are warm breasts in your face, but I digress… Is it worth seeing? Meh. Your money might better spent on a handy from a gal who lubes you up with Lava Pumice, but it couldn’t hurt.

You’ve seen worse cinema, so give it a go. Visit their Facebook page or follow em on the Twitter. Here’s a preview Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Sex This is a topic that, surprisingly, I don’t tend to discuss a lot with my friends.  I say “surprisingly” because most anyone that knows me knows that I feel that true friendships between men and women can’t exist without some sort of latent attraction, which has the potential to “blow the whole thing up!”  Needless to say, I’m likely in the minority on that opinion.  However, the thing that intrigues me is how a couple regards each others’ best friends, if they’re of the opposing sex.  Is there some dynamic to bother about?

  Do you protest the friendship?  Do you limit how often your partner hangs out with their best friend?  What do you do?Sure, it’s not really that big of a deal, but I think the conversation deserves attention.  For me, I’m a pretty trusting guy and women that I’ve dated with male best friends and it really hasn’t bothered me and perhaps that’s because I haven’t had to deal with a best friend showing they wanted to be more than friends with my partner. I know people that are married that share friends that are of the opposing sex and it has absolutely no bearing at all in how they all interact with one another. I suppose that if one subscribes to the notion that “all good things should be had in moderation… including moderation” then there really isn’t so much of an issue, because there is a balance that has been struck.  Problems will arise as soon as the issue of “too much” is reached.  Way too much what???  Too much time spent between your significant other and their best friend, perhaps.  Maybe there’s way too much flirtatious behavior or other “not-so-friendly” banter going on. I had a girlfriend who had a very good male friend that she worked with.  I’d always here about this guy and would see him if I went to happy hour.  He was outstanding guy and funny and dare I say a most eligible bachelor.  Anyway, one night my girlfriend came by my place after work.  When things had become more intimate I noticed a bite mark on her left, just above her knee.  That wonderful not-so-little mark was left by her best friend.

  In my mind, I’m thinking “What the hell!!?  Why is this guy biting her?”  To me, it seemed really inappropriate.  Her explanation was that they were “messing around and playing rough” after hours at your workplace.  Again, it’s something that seemed odd to me, but I let it go.  It came down to a trust issue.  I did trust my girlfriend and that was the end of it.  If I’d seen another such mark then I would have had another talk with her about it…  In all, I just let her know I was concerned about it and that it was something that I was thinking about. What ever the case may be there is a line.  How that line gets defined should be up to the couple, not just one person or the other.

  That is, it’s an issue to have a healthy discussion about and reach a mutual understanding.  Though, this could bring up the discussion of the “guest star” in the bedroom, but that’s a whole other topic… For another author.  =) Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, differences, Relationships Well, now, that’s just rude!! If the 2001 movie Shallow Hal taught us anything, it’s not that inner beauty wins, it’s that shitty movies are made and in the place of learning a valuable life lesson, you end up losing forty bucks at the theater, in addition to the 113 minutes you’ll never get back. Eff you Jack Black! I know that the whole weight discussion is a sensitive topic for most people. I’m not exactly… petite, if you will. However, I do things to stay active, like sitting in front of the computer and writing opinions on stuff I’m not qualified to give opinions on. You dig? Seriously, I do keep active, I do hike, jog, challenge bums to MMA bouts in front of the local 7-11.

It’s not exactly hardcore, but I do try to keep up with my active girlfriend. She appreciates that and shows me in ways that are… very much appreciated. Even though I’m not a super fit kind of guy (I am overweight), I manage to maintain a level of activity in life and because I do manage to stay active it manifests itself in different ways, one of that will be having more energy in the bedroom. The fact is, if you feel good about yourself, regardless of whether you’re overweight or not, you’ll want to get down and freaky with your special someone, or that new stranger at the end of the bar. I know a number of hefty-folk that get down far  more than their skinny-minny counterparts. While it’s true that self-esteem plays a role in heightened sexual pleasure, it doesn’t mean that you have to be lean and cut to enjoy the fruits of another. I know a great amount of portly folks who have sex way more than I do. One of my friends I talked to, regarding this piece, had this to say: “You know, bro, I know I’m hefty fatty-type guy and, sure, I could lose some weight… But I like who I am and so does my woman.” I think that comment underscores one of the things that keeps a sexual relationship healthy. Chemistry and self-love. Sexual chemistry is at the forefront of what keeps a sexual relationship passionate and burning. The other is attraction, be it mental or physical.

If you truly love yourself and feel good about yourself, it will resonate with those around you, especially your partner. That self-love has a lot to do with attracting people to you. However, if you don’t have a positive body image (I’ve seen more “in-shape” people with this issue than overweight people fyi) then it’s hard to get down and dirty as well. How do you overcome a negative body image? Well, I’m no doctor, but I am able to tell you a few things that do help and can increase that sexual desire. Working out – No, no. Don’t lift the muffin to your mouth and take a bite, then repeat. The exertion that goes into a workout is a great stimulant.

I know that when I see my woman come back from a rigorous workout, it turns me on and she has a hard time resting, as I help get her out of those sweaty workout rags. My girlfriend and will go on walks, hikes, or even go to a local park, set down some towels and do exercises. Be creative, get outdoors and work up a sweat to, you know, work up a sweat later! Eat better – Eating better, healthier, foods can also contribute to increased energy levels and more stamina for physically demanding activities (read: sex). If you can, avoid alcohol. While I do love my craft beers, I know that they make me sluggish and tired. When I drink beer, I don’t really feel like having sex later… True story. Losing weight – Maybe this one is a give, maybe not. When one loses weight, they can become more confident, energetic and certainly have an improved body image. When you feel good about yourself and about your partner, you will show it in a sexual manner. So, can you be too fat to fuck? Conclusions? Sex is all about self-esteem and feeling good about yourself, regardless of how big or how tiny perhaps you are. If you’re not feeling good about the amount of sex you’re having, or if you’re lacking the interest to get down and dirty with your partner, then get physical.

You don’t have to go to the gym, just get outdoors. Really, there’s another post in here on what to do outdoors to get active in the bedroom. What do you think? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Self, Sex Tagged in: sexual health Men have it tough! You women are scary, scary creatures. A crazy woman, theoretically, could beat the snot out of platoons of trained killers. Imagine the carnage if Xerxes unleashed an army of crazy women on Sparta. 300 doesn’t get made. Damn. That’s extreme! The power of text messaging is pretty amazing. It’s amazing because one can really send out messages and express their thoughts and feelings and take the time to craft them appropriately. Sure, we can’t “feel” text messages, the absence of tone and emotion, among other things, make it quite difficult to decipher what the true meaning of text message are sometimes.

That said, ladies, take heed; the following is a string of text messages from a crazy woman to a good buddy of mine. Don’t be crazy! Stop it! That said, read on: I’ll paint the picture for you. My friend, Rod, recently broke up with his girlfriend. He was looking for some non-committed coitus. While out at a local bar, he spies a good-looking girl. They talk; exchange numbers and plans to meet on a Monday are set in motion. They met, I believe on a Friday or Thursday. The girl in this story is Melina. Melina: Can’t wait to see you on Monday! Rod: Me too! Should be fun Melina: I wish we could see each other sooner Rod: I can’t. Got way too much stuff going on. Good things come to those who wait. Melina: I can’t assume anything hun.

You have ur friends and a busy sched. So I can’t force myself into it and babe, if u have questions, ask away A Day Later… Rod: Ahem, you have called me like 6 times today, lol Melina: On accident! My ass called you! I do want to see you! Melina: love to c u but made a promise and yes called a bunch of times on purpose and accident to hear your voice, so there. Ttu soon. Rod: Please, don’t call me so much. I know you want to keep in touch with me but I have things I’m doing. I will get back to you as soon as I am able to. I know this one call was an accident due to the msg.

We’ll just have to wait till Monday. Melina: I never knew that was a problem. Got it. Just wanted to clarify and just don’t answer like you haven’t been doing, you still don’t get charged. Bye Rod: What? I’m confused about the second half of your message I’m not answering because I’m at a party and I think it would be rude to talk. (Rod, has told this girl to chill out a few times now..) Melina: You told me not to call so much and I’m sorry I did. Just wanted to clarify the accidental calls. Have fun and I’ll talk to you when I’m allowed.

Rod: Allowed? To call me huh? Maybe u didn’t mean it by doing this, but I don’t like the way that sounded Melina: You know I like you. That’s not a secret. I guess I’ll just keep in touch with you later. Good night, be safe and have fun. Melina: I don’t call to annoy u or re-emphasize that I’m on your cock. I like you, that’s it. If I choose to call you because I like to talk to you, that’s a diff’ story Melina: I like you, Rod, but don’t like the assumption that I’m on your shit. Let it go already. Melina: I’m really buzzed and am being a bitch. Look, have fun and forget what my dumbass has to say.

I like you paisa, A LOT, let’s mak. Several minutes later, with Rod at the party, still. Rod goes to drain fertilize the Petunias and Melina calls on his phone, which he left at a table with his other friends… Melina: Don’t call me ever again! (She had spoken to Rod’s friend, and hung up on the guy) Rod: Wow. That was my buddy. He wanted to keep in touch with you and say hi. Didn’t mean to make you angry Melina: yeah but I’m being compared to what you want. I’m done. Melina: He’s letting me know what I’d known for a bit.

You’re not over her, so what the fuck and I supposed to do? Sit here and look stupid. I highly doubt it. Work it out with her, Rod. It’s what you want. Rod: No, that’s not what he or I said. He said that I’m just dealing with some shit right now, that will be true. It’s not like I’m going to go back to her. I’m a bit hurt and need to work that out.

I do like you and like talking to you. Several calls a day is too much for me right now. I just want to relax and spend some time hanging out. I think you are overreacting. Melina: Then don’t text me or call me back. Do what you gotta do if we don’t hang on Monday, I’m good with it. Tired of giving too much to people who don’t deserve me. Melina: I’m seriously done, if you are. The last thing I want is to look stupid and if I’m a rebound, which your friends even think I am, i’d like to fucking go. Bye. Melina: No reaction? What I thought!

DO me a favor and never contact me again. Oh wait, apparently I’m the only reason why. Sorry, that will fucking end right now! These texts are from after the party… Melina: Hi. Don’t remember much of why we argued last night but I do know it started because of me. I’m so sorry. I know your friend didn’t mean anything bad by what he said, but it struck a nerve to hear about her and immediately hurt my feelings. I want to keep in touch with you later tonight about it. Please let me know if your lack of response makes me feel like shouldn’t even bother. Rod: I have been thinking about this all day actually and I don’t think it will work out between us. I don’t mean to hurt u in anyway and u shouldn’t feel stupid I just don’t think you’re right for me. I wish u nothing but the best. Melina: I will get back to you in detail in a bit. I’m a lil confused. Not that will change anything. Rod: Sorry that you are confused.

I don’t know how to make it more clear. I don’t think we are right for each other and I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to hang out, I’m sorry. Melina: no. I get the fact that we won’t be hanging. I’m a little dumb but not stupid. Plus no need to be sorry or feel sorry. I maybe impulsive life thinking about maybes and wishing for something or someone I can’t have. My emotions are strong and I do let them show but am still very protective of them. It sucks that we won’t talk anymore because both you and I know at least that was fun. I wanted to say this to you through a phone call.

But I didn’t. Plus no need to come off like ur breaking up with me. U don’t owe me anything. I was just confused about the fact that u were so eager to see me. The day after they were supposed to meet… Melina: If I came off like a bitch the other day I’m sorry. I was really drunk and again, I’m the only person that should look out for ME and protect MY emotions Melina: Just wanted to make sure what I sent was clear. I will do you the favor of never getting back to you, no worries. Another day passes. Notice the lack of responses from Rod… Melina: Look you don’t have to say anything, but I honestly don’t feel good about anything that has happened between us, as much as I want you to I don’t expect you to understand Melina then used a friend’s phone to call Rod, so he’d pick up… He hung up on her… Rod: You told me you were done and I have left it at that. I’m sorry but I don’t want to talk anymore. Melina (Still from a friend’s phone): My feelings were hurt. I was a bitch. I know. Let me at least keep in touch with you, please. I miss my friend. We didn’t even end things properly.

I don’t know how to say the words… Melina: Please hear me out, Rod. Call me, please. A week later or so, no other text messages until… Melina: Please just hear what I have to say. I am so sad and just want you to listen to me for a minute. I don’t expect you to change your mind. Melina: At least tell me that I’m full of shit or something. I am not ashamed to say I am begging you for a minute of your time. Melina Don’t blame a girl fro still trying. I miss your ass. Please forgive me. Melina: What can I do to have you forgive me? Melina: Rod, I miss you! Melina: I’m so stupid to have lost someone like you. The two weeks we spent talking allowed me to finally BE me and I’m truly grateful, please find it in your heart to take me back. I know YOU know we had an amazing connection even as friends. Don’t deny that.

We at least had that chemistry. A few days later… Melina: This sucks! I’m in OC and we’re not even talking, the irony of shit. (That’s not irony, that’s just crazy) No responses from Rod in about two weeks… Melina: I’m thinking about you and want to say hello -( Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Dates & Details, Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, texting Don’t be this douche bag… Please! CAP…4Luv 😉 – @cap4luv RT @marybphoto: RT @Designrfix: Complete Guide to Creating a Blog Website Layout http://t.co/IZzZpZ0E Not a bad start, if you ask me. On occasion we’re asked, by random people, what we think about their blog and such. We try to help out where we can of course. We’re not experts, but we’ve been doing this for a few years and have had a small amount of success doing what we do. I figured I’d share an email I penned, long ago, to a start up blogger who asked for some advice. I should preface this by saying they were running their blog on Blogger and the site looked like what would happen if they were ib a date with Rosie O’Donell, ate split pea soup, ingested a Grateful Dead shirt and vomited. In other words, it wasn’t pretty. Hello there, Thanks for reaching out to us at the Urban Dater and all that good stuff. I spent some time looking over your site and read some of your articles and I do have some constructive feedback for you. First off, the content is very solid, very solid.

I like it. I would say the one thing that is not a problem is your content. Keep it up, it’s obvious the two of you play well with one another. I see good things coming, if you both could well keep the momentum going. That you get a lot of comments is also great! =) So, really, you don’t need a lot of help there. I guess, if I had to give more constructive feedback it would be the layout of the site. These are just my opinions and certainly are not blogging “law.” Hopefully these suggestions are useful to you both as you establish yourselves. =) Not trying to be mean, but overall, I’m not a fan of the layout. The stark contrast of colors between the font and the black background feels like I’m getting a sharp stick in the eye.

At the top of your site is your bio; that’s fine, but I don’t agree with it’s placement. THe most important thing about your site is what? Your content! That’s what people will keep coming back for. So if it’s possible to push down the bio, below the content, or simply put it on another page and link to it from a navigation menuI know you’re on blogger, so that may limit the themes that you have access to, but I would take a look for something that is easier on the eyes, if possible. One other note, is that the average visitor to any website focus their attention on the top 1/3rd of any given page they visit, thus it is important to place important content there. And as a general rule, I’m not a fan of dark backgrounds, if I didn’t already make that clear. =) Examples of similar blogs I like, for design aesthetics: badonlinedates.tv, metanotherfrog.com and simonegrant.com/blog. One sight that is an exception to this rule is Memoirs of a Single Dad, what they do over there is pretty awesome. Is there any reason that you’re not using another blogging platform such as wordpress.org, squarespace or typepad? Each of those solutions offers a more robust platform to blog on; each is highly configurable and provides a number of tools that can help you further build your audience. Many of these tools help you publish your content across many social networks automatically, many of which are not available through Blogger. If you’re serious about this, look at the platforms I mentioned, yes some of them cost money, but your project is worth the investment.

Get on Twitter. Seriously. Again, thank you for reaching out. We’re flattered that you would ask for our feedback and we appreciate your kind words. Truly Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Blogger Resources, Tips & Advice Tagged in: blogging, tips advice As soon as these items leave my possession I am able to be free. Well, maybe free isn’t the right word – okay, let’s say that I will be back to my own self. Self that I know and remember. You know, I can’t recall when it all began.

Oh, wait. I think it was after our first big fight that led me to hyperventilate for hours — day after that he gave me that little blue box that had the most perfect pair of earrings in them. People took notice of it right away, asking if they were a special occasion gift. When I answered no, he just gave them to me, they wooed and wowed exactly how ‘generous’ he was. I never mentioned the fight. Then I think the next time was when we got into an even bigger argument that ended up with my head being continuously slammed against the cold kitchen floor. I vaguely remember that I almost blacked out. That weekend we went to a store that had lots of shiny bags that had specific lettering on them. The sales people seemed really attentive to us. “Enjoy” one of them said, as she carefully places the big box that had one of those shiny bags inside, smiling. Anyway, I think that was the beginning. It sort of kept going, and before I knew it, it became the routine for us.

The thing is, I liked the pretty things that I would get. And I had a lot of it too. I just never knew what it suggested. I types of took it as an apology, and whenever his fist would meet my cheekbone, or his palm of his hand would encounter my face or his feet was taken to my body as I laid on the ground, I would remember the shiny pretty things in my head. Then thought about the next pretty thing I would get after this was over. Things changed a bit when he didn’t want to give me pretty things anymore. Did I do something wrong? I would ask, and he would answer that I bring out the bad side of him. That he doesn’t like who he is, because of me. It was my fault? The whole thing was sort of a blur and I didn’t know what in order to make of it, but since I was told to leave, I did.

All of the pretty things came with me. For a long time, I never looked at them. All the shiny bags, the pretty earrings, the necklaces, the bracelets. It took a while before I touched any of them, and when I did – it didn’t feel right. The pretty earring didn’t seem so pretty to me. The bags – well, I just plain didn’t like them. There was something wrong with all of them. I can’t even pin point the last time I wanted to carry them. I looked at them for a long time in my closet. Then it occurred to me that I didn’t even want them anymore. Have you ever felt the need to rid something out of your life? As soon as these items leave my possession – I can be my self. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Self Tagged in: Self, sky girl, sky gurl Two Geeks one cup. Go on, you finish the joke! It’s not often the Urban Dater grabs the attention of good-looking women seeking our help. I mean, they do, but they tend to reach out to Taylor and not me, due to my inherent “creeper vibe.” Which is why I was completely floored when asked by the lovely Jocelyn Wentland, a Sex Research Fellow at the University of Ottawa (I seriously thought Ottawa was just a cruel joke in the annals of Canadian history books, along with the Winnipeg Canucks, but it turns out I was wrong and they have a freaking University!), for some help on a project she’s working on. Casual sex is a large part of American life anymore, we’re over sexed (await the Insomniac Club post for May to read more about that) and we’re a vastly different society seemingly unaffected by promiscuity anymore. Which is why I find this bit of research pretty awesome. So let’s get down to the details with the lovely Jocelyn Wentland! This will be about to get all sorts of interesting!

FWB Vs. FB aka Friends With Benefits Vs. Fuck Buddies. Is there a significant difference? Personally, I thought the two of these items were one and the same, but apparently they are different. My opinions were thrown into doubt by Ms. Wentland a bit later when she thanked the gent who introduced us in the first place, Jack from Brooklyn. [blackbirdpie id=”63682543697920000″] I’m so out of touch with the sexual lingo these days. What gives!? According to the description on the survey page: The current study is designed to investigate the different definitions of casual sex relationships and knowledge about safety of engaging in casual sex activities. As a participant, you are being asked to participate in 1 online survey that may take approximately 15 minutes. The questionnaire is ANONYMOUS and CONFIDENTIAL.

Take the Survey and help a sexy researcher earn her badge of honor (or, as they do in Canadia honour) The survey is intended for males, not females (because dudes are cooler and more bufferer) and certainly will be filled out by visiting this link: Casual Sex Relationships and Definitions. All the information is located at the link provided above. However, you can read it below, too, if you don’t trust my linkage. Just remember, by helping with the survey, guys, you’re helping the cutie to the right. Just sayin’. Maybe she’ll accept you as a follower on the Twitter! -) Make this face smile and do a quick survey! As part of the survey, you will be asked to provide some personal information, such as how old you are and how many sexual intercourse partners you have had. The purpose of collecting this information is to determine the background demographics of our participants. Completing the questionnaire may introduce self-reflection for you which may be ultimately positive, but may initially be upsetting or disruptive. Whether or not you complete the survey, you will be given a list of resources in the Ottawa area if you wish to speak with someone. You may also contact the study’s principal investigator, Dr. Elke Reissing, who is a licensed psychologist, with whom you can speak with at no charge. No identifying information will be connected to your responses. If you feel uncomfortable with any of the questions, you may possibly refuse to answer or discontinue participation by closing your browser window AT ANY TIME. Take the survey now: Casual Sex Relationships and Definitions. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured, For Men, Sex Tagged in: casual sex, fb, fuck buddy, fwb Put a damn shirt on, you putz! So you met a girl online, went on a first date  and it didn’t work out?  You left the date scratching your head, wondering how you ever got yourself into this mess to begin with.  Sometimes this is of no fault of our own.  But other times, the signs were all there; you just weren’t paying attention to the clues. If we want to avoid having bad dates, then it is very important to look for the signs that these women are not as great as they seem to be.  Often times, the best place to look is in the written portion of the online dating profile. The following list contains five red flags that you should be on the look out for when reading a woman’s profile: 1.  The profile is extremely short. Women online who are the most beautiful are often guilty of this cardinal sin.  They know that they are hot, and feel that they don’t have to take the effort to prove themselves online because they will receive hundreds of messages no matter what.  This is a red flag.  The overly short profile reveals that these women are online for all the wrong reasons.  They could be gold digging, not taking it seriously, or just on these sites for self-esteem boosts.  Whatever the case, women who are serious about meeting someone special take the time to write a decent amount.  Skip these short profiles, no matter how cute the women are.

2.  Profiles that are overly negative. When their profiles list everything that they are not looking for in a man, in the place of everything they are looking for, it is time to move on to the next profile. This red flag reveals that they truly are either chronic complainers, have now been screwed up by relationships in the past, or are jaded serial daters that have been on one too many dates.  Regardless of the reason, the outcome is never good. 3.  They talk about wanting “nice things.” Women who state in their profiles that they like to be treated very “nicely” on dates and want “nice things,” are not out for love, they are out for money.  Sure all girls want nice things.  But this is not something that should be written in a profile.  Leave these gold diggers behind for some other unlucky sucker.   But don’t be that guy. 4.  They don’t like “talking about themselves.” This is another variation of the shortened profile.  Many women don’t fill out a profile, and claim that the reason is because they don’t like talking about themselves.  This is non-sense.

  It is just an excuse to be lazy.  But more importantly, it reveals that they may not just be lazy online, but lazy and selfish in real life as well. 5.  The overly long profile. Just as the overly short profile is a bad sign, the overly long profile also can reveal a lot of red flags about women.  When females tell their entire life story in a profile, they may be women who are looking “too hard” for love, and have a lot of baggage that they are carrying with them.  While this is not always the actual situation, try to gage the situation and also make an informed decision. As much as gaging a woman’s profile is important, having a profile built to attract the right kind of women is even more important. For more great online dating profile advice, as well as information about Joshua Pompey’s online dating profile writing service where he has help men at unprecedented success rates, click here now. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating 1. I’m curious how many people buy into the ‘wait three days before you call’ rule you got a number from? I’m on the fence about this one.

I’ve done it both ways with mixed success. I tend to pull the trigger a little early if I really liked her, and I’ll wait if I’m not feeling it that much. 2. Does it depend on how you met? Is getting a number at a bar different than getting a number on a dating webpage? I also think this is a factor. Bar / coffee shop meets (which I suck at), I tend to wait. I suck at meeting women that way, and there seems to be that expectation of it… unless you meet mid week and for some reason I think there’s a possibility of doing something that weekend if it had come up in conversation. If I get a number through a webpage or if a friend says ‘Jenny was asking me about you’ then I will probably call a day later. There’s a definite green light here, and I think waiting won’t help build suspense. The atmosphere is different; it is about capitalizing on opportunity and keeping the momentum going.

3. Do  women use the ‘3 day wait rule’ if they are making the first call? I’m just curious here. I don’t think women make the first call too often, I don’t think it has ever happened to me. So if you a woman making initial call, fill us in on your mindset. ___ A tip for the other guys out there – before you call, lead in with a text message. The rule in question was created long before cell phones, and there’s no reason not to get with the times here. It is a great way to take the pressure off if you’re nervous. Regardless of easing the wait time, you get to subtly find out if there’s still interest – or even if the number is real before a potentially awkward phone call. Let’s face it, no one wants to call a number for the first time and get a stranger, a business or (worst) a funny number like the herpes hotline or the like.

Keep it short and simple – ‘I used that joke you told me today’… ‘I tried that lunch spot you recommended’ – whatever it is, make sure it is something germane to the conversation, and something open ended enough to get a quick reply from. Whatever you do don’t send something like ‘Still interested?; it sounds desperate. Or ‘Hey Sexxxy’; it sounds creepy. If i get no reply I probably won’t don’t bother with a call. A reply means call soon, and it is way easier to be confident about it. Hate mail? Stalkers? Comments? Post ‘em all now! -The Pete Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Dating & Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: 3 day rule, Dating, the pete Not only am I an a-hole in real life, but I play one on TV, too. One of the joys I receive, is the chance to help a fellow Urban Dater. Today’s question comes from Osvaldo O’Sanchez, if Bird-in-Hand, PA, who always reminds us this one in the hand is worth two in the bush… This question is a little counter-intuitive.

That is, I ordinarily hear from guys who don’t want to “just be friends” with women; ordinarily it’s the opposite. No one guy wants to take a ride in the Friendsmobile. But Osvaldo, does… That said, let’s get to this Bizarro World post! Dating vs. Friendship, and Is there a friendship connection site, or can one use How about we…? for this? I would like to date, but am also interested in simply making friends with someone who is at a similar stage in life: male or female. Gender doesn’t matter to me right now as much as finding someone with whom I am able to go to the gym with, read a book with, study with, cook with, explore some local sights with, and interact with as an equal. [And no, I’m not looking for a dog; my parents wouldn’t have that ;] Actually, I am both employed and a college graduate, however, for various reasons I know that dating would not be wise right now. Even so, I am able to see the potential benefit to me from using a site like How about we… Do you think that it is o.k. to use How about we… to find a friend? If not, is there a site that you would recommend for one to use to find potential friends? I don’t currently obtain a smart phone; and would prefer to use an actual website in the place of an app anyways.

Thank you for your time. Osvaldo, you seem like a pretty cool, kid. I dig that you aren’t straight up looking for the poon! When a guy isn’t looking to get laid is precisely when he does get laid. It’s that whole thing about not “trying too hard.” As you’ve surmised, dating sites are a definite great way to meet like-minded and attractive co-eds that are willing to hang out with you… However, most people on these sites aren’t looking to exchange high fives after a grueling 6 mile run around the Rose Bowl. These people typically want something deeper than a one night stand, or an energy-transference-slap can provide… Whaddya do? The good thing you have working in your favor is that there are easy approaches to achieve what you want. I’m posting up some alternatives for you to think about. While it’s not a conclusive list, perhaps it will get you thinking of other opportunities that may be available to you. Attend Yelp Events Attend/Start a Meetup Group Get your friends together for an activity The idea listed here isn’t unlike what you’re trying to do. That is, you want to get out there, meet someone cool, but have some good-natured non-committed.

I’ll cover my thoughts on each item above. Yelp Events — Yelp events are a great way to meet similarly-minded folks that are social and want to get available to you and do new things; go to new places. I attended a number of these a few years back and made a couple friends in the process, but also went on some dates with some of the women I’d randomly meet. Low pressure and good times. Mostly food and drink related events is what I found, that will be okay. Meetup Groups — These events, you’ll find, will be more varied. You can find the same type of stuff as above, but you can also find groups that meet to discuss a variety of topics, ranging from the arts, to politics to furry fetishes. You name it, it’s probably out there. I’m part of a meetup group that meets to run a few times a week and I LOVE it. While I haven’t dated anyone in this group, there are those I’d definitely want to go out with for that purpose. We’re all active, sweaty and there’s a certain about that that is really so damn sexy. Friend Activities — These tend to be a little more relaxed and intimate. But no less opportunity for good times.

You might be thinking: ” But my friends? I don’t want to date them!!! And they don’t know anyone I’d want to date!!” Perhaps that’s true, brochacho. Perhaps. You never know, though. Your friends will know someone new they can invite and I would highly recommend that your friends invite some “fresh blood” to your gathering. But what would you do? Movie night, Get fucked up on shots night, Get high night, board game night.

While a couple of those may not go well with all, the board games and movies are typical crowd pleasers and offer a great way to meet folks for the first time. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas We discovered this awesome teleseminar to help you find love. You, too, can go from single to engage with Pamela Vanderhoot’s seminar It’s called From Single and Searching to In Love and Engaged and you can get a complimentary pass here => http://www.DatingforTrueLove.com/ The host, Pamela Vandervoort, is a True Love Expert (and we agree with that title) and she’s going to reveal exactly how to find your true love! Over a hundred women have already attended and said they feel more confident about finding love than they have in years! Here’s what a few participants had to say: I highly recommend this teleseminar! I received so much value and insight just by listening to this one call. Pam’s questions gave me so much clarity into how I am being in relationship.

I just loved it! Melinda Wolf; www.visiontalk.com I have been frustrated trying to meet the right man. Although I have put myself out there and met some good guys it has never turned into a relationship. After listening to this teleseminar I know the things I need to work on and I feel like there’s hope! Gauri Chawla, Chicago IL I really loved Single and Searching to In Love and Engaged! Pam helped me see my own dating habits and patterns that held me back from love. I highly recommend this to anyone who is serious about finding love. Katherine Merritt, www.naturallyhealthywoman.com In this teleseminar you will find out why it seems so challenging to generally meet a quality man and why relationships are so difficult to navigate today. Not only that but Pam will give you the 5 steps for finding true love. It’s happening now!

Get instant access here => http://www.datingfortruelove.com/   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured Ooooooghaaaargh! I can’t stand it when my boyfriend doesn’t call me back. Let’s take Friday afternoon for example. Home early, I planned on taking a long walk to my fave little pub–T-Boyles. Now, i’d like to preface this by telling you that it’s over 3 miles away. This equates to about a 45-minute walk. Southern Cali was indeed gracing it’s city citizens with eighty degree heat one day and random rain on the next. So, naturally, I found this unpredictable climate to be ideal for walking the distance.

Sometimes I just want beer that much. It was about 4 p.m. when I set off and I sent a simple text of, “Hey babe, were you still planning on coming over tonight? If so, what time?”. This was an easy message, and I knew he was at work, so I didn’t really expect an instant reply. The rest of my walk went by uninterrupted and 15 stop lights later, I arrived. Well, my friend, Matt, met me at the bar and it wasn’t until we’d began our third Arrogant Bastard, that I realized it was almost 6:30 p.m. and I’d heard nothing from my man. I began to think my drink wasn’t the only thing with that appropriate label. I never heard anything from him all night. Saturday morning broke and he texted me with his estimated time of arrival. Earlier in the week, we had made plans for a breakfast in town and it appeared he was going to be able to keep the food date (note: sarcasm). When he showed up at my doorstep, he knew I was upset. I’m not really the types of girl who hides emotions after all, and flared dragon nostrils are just the beginning of how comical I am able to look. Anyway, according to him, he was out with a friend the night before and they had one drink after the other, good food, and then more of it. By the time he looked at the clock it was late…blah, blah, blurb.

It was those types of conversations where I was just waiting for him to stop talking so I could insert how pissed I was. He probably said more after that, but my red anger was blocking any ability to fully listen. The whole time he explained I couldn’t stop wondering how he could “forget” he was in a relationship. This isn’t the excuse he gave me, but this reason is how my mind filled in the holes of his story. If we were just friends, I bet he would have called me back. It’s frustrating when you think you care more than anyone else in the room. In this instance, I was thinking about him and he wasn’t thinking about me and that reality hurt. Caring is exhaustive work and this week, I don’t feel like trying that hard. We’ll see, he is pretty darn sweet, I might be able to forgive him over a nice, long, phone call. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Relationships “So…coffee?” There is something about coffee that screams “business”. Probably because I’ve spent many a “coffee catch-up” trying to convince a recruiter why I’m great at my job and how I just absolutely love working in a corporate office. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Probably sitting in a café having my 115th “coffee catch up” with a recruiter trying to get a job that I’m terrible at and don’t particularly want but need because bills and stuff.

So coffee with an internet date? Not for me. I’ve been Tindering off and on for about a year. And I have found there’s a few different scenarios’ you can encounter when first courting, or being courted, by potential Tinder suitors; Scenario 1 – Both swipe right – “hey how’s it going” – “Great, and yourself?” mixed in with some “haha” or “lol” or any response to first statement – No response Scenario 2 – Both swipe right – “I’m married/looking for NSA/want you to pee on me, interested?” – End Scenario 3 – Both swipe right – Insert deep interesting question – Deep interesting response, respond with deep interesting question and some deep profound shit ensues. – Realisation that you’re not really that deep and profound. Responses get further and further apart due to running out of deep profound shit to say. – End Scenario 4 – Both swipe right – “so do you want the D?” – End Scenario 5 – Both swipe right – “Hey how’s it going” – “Great thanks, how are you” – Conversation flows, texting, much in common, oh the lols! – “so do you want to catch up for a coffee?” Thumbs up to scenario 5. This is the aim of my tinder game. I like to be asked out. What can I say? About selecting a possible man friend on the internet by swiping left or right on a portable electronic device based on looks, age and a few words, I’m old fashioned. This is it. I can’t wait the 4 years until a reality TV programme steps in. We’re both seemingly normal people – or at least appear to be. Let’s get this ball rolling. So coffee? Casual dating should be as casual and un-nerving as possible. So for that first meeting I always suggest drinks over coffee.

There’s several reasons why I think taking your tinder guy or gal for a casual drink at a bar trumps coffee catch ups… 1. Are they a drinker? This can give you a clear indication about how the other person feels about drinking and bars. I have spent, and plan to spend a good amount of my life in and around bars. If you say don’t drink because you just don’t, or can’t drink because you’re “in the program” we can work around that. If you don’t drink because you do cross-fit, this isn’t going to work. 2. Lighting is minimal. Bright fluorescent lights are known to encourage people to eat/drink quickly and leave. If you are hitting it off you don’t want to feel rushed and anxious. Get that Barry White mood on. This is also helpful if you were chatting to someone who appeared to look like Megan Fox in her photos, but she actually more resembles that thing that crawls out of the TV in The Ring. Some people just have strong selfie game. If you make pleasantries with someone you are not attracted to and are afraid to be seen with, more straightforward to do it in the dark. 3. Alcohol. Alcohol makes awkward situations less awkward.

Don’t knock back 4 pints before your tinder match arrives so you are a dribbling mess, but a little something to calm the nerves, occupy your hands and get the convo flowing, totally cool. And hey if it is extremely awkward and boring, you can drink until they are charming and interesting. Around the same level of drunk you’d think you are the most amazing dancer in the world. 4. There’s more escape options. Generally bars need more than one exit. If your tinder date looks like they would shank you if you do the “there’s been an emergency” cop out, you need this option for your safety. If there aren’t sufficient exits for the date and dash, get friendly with the bar staff and ask to use their back entrance. Bartenders are the best friend of bad tinder dates. 5. Having a good time? Enjoying each other’s company? Amazing!

If you are at a bar you can carry on to another bar, or restaurant, or “hey, um , so I made this amazing cheesecake, that will be in my fridge, in my kitchen, at my house, where my bedroom is…” hint hint. If you hit it off on a coffee date it’s a lot harder to carry on due to the time of day you generally have coffee. Not saying it’s impossible to continue on to more drinking/eating/bumping uglies after a mid-morning coffee, but definitely harder and weirder. 6. Run out of conversation? Bars can come with an array or extra-curricular activities. Pool, darts, connect 4, petanque, table tennis and even built-in skateboard ramps. Perfect! And then you will be able to check out how great/awful their hand-eye co-ordination is, and ultimately judge them how great/awful they will perform sexually.

Next time you get to the point where your tinder match wants to take it to the next level think about these points and head to your local. And even if it’s still awkward and unbearable you’ll give the bar staff something to laugh at. Apologies to those who don’t drink or aren’t allowed in establishments where alcohol is present. You’ll just have to suck it up, go have a coffee and hope for the best. If you don’t drink alcohol, or drink coffee I can’t help you because I’m not sure we’re even the same species. So….coffee? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook56Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: tinder, tinder dating onlinedating I’m a legend at kissing the bitches There we were, sitting down at the Village Cafe and we noted all of the folks with terrible haircuts walking up and getting in line. I’ve often wondered if trendy/shitty haircuts were a pre-requisite if one wished to partake of any of the local eateries located on Los Feliz. It seemed as much. Our eyes were locked and conversation was really easy, as we got beyond that awkward one armed hug and the coffee machine that would only make Cappuccino; everything flowed nicely. It turned out Erica and I had a range things in common: We’re both from po-dunk towns in the Pacific Northwest, we both like ‘Arrested Development’ and we’re both annoyed by ‘Girls.’ We’re getting really deep here. Erica is a busy gal, from what I can tell as she tells me about the different comedy troupes that she’s a part of and the classes she teaches at night, while maintaining a droll day job that she openly tells her boss she hates and asks to be fired from. “Oh, Erica! You’re so hilarious!!” her boss says, according to her. Actually, she’s a really charming girl; very easy to be around.

After a few moments chatting with her I felt at ease, as I got cozy in my wrought iron chair (does one ever really get cozy in those?) . The sky was scattered with thick, puffy, storm clouds that looked ripe to let rain upon the too-hip denizens of LA, yet it let loose just enough sun that made Erica’s blonde hair shimmer just a bit more brightly. She sat down and peered at her Cappucinno and asked “Would you like this instead? I really can’t stand this stuff.” I happily relieved her of the cup, her eyes are big, thin lips; she’s remarkably awkward in body language and features, if I’m being completely honest. Yet it’s this unorthodox manner about her that seems to draw me to her, sure, the conversation helped, but I couldn’t figure out what the attraction was at the time. I settled up our bill and we took in the scattered-sunny day with a walk through Griffith Park, sharing stories of teen angst, shitty jobs, ghost stories and guilty pleasures. In all, I was having outstanding fucking time and I could tell Erica was, too. We made our way back to her car when she says “Yes, they do go all the way up! I see you looking at them,” Erica chides. “Look, I’m a leg man, what do you want from me?” After exchanging a few more barbs, we hug and I take a couple paces back. I want to kiss this girl. The moment isn’t right, but what the fuck do I care? I’m the king of awkward moments. I’m the person that always tells people to “embrace awkward situations.” I couldn’t let this go, as we each stood in place looking at one another with goofy grins.

And so I did what any person lacking self respect would do. I took two determined steps and I kissed her… The thing about a kiss is that it really is meant for two participants… When one person doesn’t kiss you back it’s, well, it’s fucking weird. Yes, so here I am kissing a wall. Did I really just fuck up and make weird an otherwise fun time? Did I misread any of the signs that I’d seen as “welcoming?” So it seemed kids, so it seemed. It was just such a weird end to a good time. Was it her fault? Was it mine? The signs tell me that I was on the right path, however, those types of signs led me down a dead-end that I overlooked apparently. Not every date is a winner, folks. I’ve had more ‘misses than hits’ this year, since I got back into the dating scene. At least I’m still a legend in my own mind… Just as an aside here, I did text Erica to ask her if I’d been inappropriate.

She confided that she was seeing someone else, but casually, so she felt weird about it. Perhaps a ‘soft let down?’ Probably… Them’s the breaks, kids.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details, Online Dating Wha?  Come again?  Geo targeting what???  That’s right, that’s the name of this post, “Geo Targeting Your Sex Life.”  Wikipedia says that “Geo targeting in geomarketing and internet marketing is the method of determining the geolocation (the physical location) of a website visitor and delivering different content to that visitor predicated on his or her location, such as country, region/state, city, metro code/zip code, organization, Internet Protocol (IP) address, ISP or other criteria.” WTF???  How in the hell does that apply to  your sex life?  Allow me to ‘splain it, Lucy.First off, I think should you want to be successful at dating you need to know your environment.  Not only that but you need to know the outer reaches of your environment, too.  Inevitably a person becomes complacent doing the same things over and over again.  That’s when skill sets begin to deteriorate.  At that point the person needs a shock, a change of scenery.

  That’s why people change jobs… Thus, people should change how and where they date.  I’m not necessarily going to explore the how way too much so much as I’ll discuss the where. I’ll begin with my own personal example.  I have lived in Southern California for a number of years bouncing around through Orange County and the dreaded Inland Empire.  Not so much LA and that is where you want to go to do anything cultural or fun.  I mean, that’s not entirely true.  There’s plenty of nuggets to be found elsewhere.  I’ve found most of them, I feel, in my dating misadventures.  Not so much LA.  I’d had it.  I decided not knowing LA all that well just wasn’t going to cut it.

  So I made a decision.  I told myself that I wasn’t going to date local women anymore.  Nope!  I was going to spread my wings and date women out in he LA/Valley areas. Now, this undertaking was a bit bigger than I thought.  I didn’t get the gas expenses that would pile up as a result… I made peace with that, however.  My first date, we arranged to generally meet at a coffee joint in Culver City, it was a Sunday and the place was closed.  Not to worry, the agile dater always has a backup plan, or quick access to an alternate place.  I had both.  We ended up at a place called Royal Tea, just a couple miles away.  Let me tell you, awesome!  Things could not have worked out as well as they did.  My date and I marveled at the art selections and slumped in our plush squashy chairs as we sipped down our Royal Honey Milk Tea.  While we dated she introduced me to a great sushi place in Downtown LA and then to a nice winery tucked away in the Malibu hills. Another woman I dated and am still friends with has a deep rooted love/hate affair with LA.  This woman took me to so many places!

We partied and drank and ate our way through Hollywood, Los Feliz and Silver Lake and some of the surrounding areas.  With her I had some great “LA nights.” I mean, really fun times. So I had amassed a small arsenal of places  to not only take my friends but also future dates, potentially.  Why is that important though?  Personally, I think it is vital to become a student of the city in which you live.  When you’ve studied up, venture out and see what else there is.  It is a chance to immerse oneself into an area’s culture and lifestyle.  Sure, it’s inconvenient and costlier, but I’d gladly continue to pay what I’ve paid to learn more about a city’s culture and people. Tools of the trade: Foursquare – A great site to help you discover what’s going on in your city. Yelp – User contributed reviews of businesses within your city/town/metro area. Smart Phones with mobile apps.  Read: Iphone, Droid or similar.  If you’re in a pinch and need some suggestions and want to be a hero, these devices won’t fail you… Unless you fall out of an area of coverage. But Luke Wilson can help you out with that, since that douche bag is always carrying a map of 3g coverage with him.

Get out there and find some place to geo target.  Notice I said “some place” and not “someone?” I mean, yes, target someone, but just do it in a different city. You’ll be glad you did. Until next time, go nail someone in a different zip and area code. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Opinion Tagged in: Dating, life, Relationships, Sex When you start dating someone, you inevitably pass this sign… I was dating a guy I met through a dating service who had a problem with the fact that I got moody from time to time.  Yes, I admit it.  I get moody sometimes when I find life overwhelming.

  I get scared or lonely or anxious.  It usually passes quickly—nothing major whatsoever. And when we first started dating, I told him about this tendency and he opened himself up to me and told me I could count on him whenever I hit a rough patch.  It was nice to know he was there for me—in my corner.  And as time went by, my moods became less and less as I was able to relieve the tension on my own. And then, my dating services guy tells me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore.  Just like that. This statement seemed to come out of nowhere.  And as far as I knew, everything between us had been fine up until that point.  So we talked, and I asked him why, because I thought we were doing great.  He told me he couldn’t take all my negativity.  I was stunned.  I felt like I had come so far and was much less negative than I used to be.  I asked him to be specific.  And he started bringing up instances that had happened months before.  I asked him why he didn’t say anything about it them at the time.

  No answer.  I asked him if he thought there had been vast improvement in recent months.  No answer.  I asked him why he was holding all this against me. Uhhh, I’m not the right dude for you… He responded by saying that he didn’t think he was the guy for me.  He didn’t think he could give me what I needed and deserved.  It seemed like such a pat answer, I thought he found it online or got it from one of his buddies.  After a long discussion, we decided not to fully let go of the relationship and work on some issues.  But interestingly enough, I found him to be extremely negative a lot of the time, and he agreed that he could be negative on occasion.  But the issue, it seems, was my negativity.  I guess he was allowed to be a pessimist.

So we moved forward into this new phase of our relationship, but now it felt like I was walking on eggshells.  I was hyper-aware of any statement or comment I made that might have the slightest tinge of negativity.  I couldn’t complain about the stupid grocery clerk or the guy who cut me off on the freeway.  Meanwhile, he’s spouting and complaining about work, about friends, about his parents.  I remained silent.  I didn’t even want to say anything about the mosquito bites I had recently acquired.  The itching was driving me crazy, but I kept my mouth shut. After all, it might upset him.  He said I was free to keep in touch with him about anything and he didn’t want to change me, but I think he did.  I think he wanted to turn me into his perfect Stepford girlfriend. And this is when I realized that we weren’t going to make it as a couple.  He wanted me to be happy and optimistic whenever we were together.  He didn’t want to see the ugly side of my life—he just wanted to have fun.  That is obviously impossible.  Life gets ugly sometimes; it gets complicated, dirty, whiney, and saturated in crap.

  If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to be there for you when things get hectic or stressful, then you really need to reconsider whether or not it’s worth it to be with this person at all.  I wanted to be with someone through thick or thin.  It’s not always easy to do, but if it’s the right person, you obtain through the hard times together.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, Online Dating, Relationships You were in the dating scene for a while and finally found someone you might think you can spend the rest of your life with. When you think about the future you see him in it — with your three children, dog and white picket fence. But before you say “I do,” you should ask the right questions to see if there’s more to your relationship that love. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there is a noticeable decline in the numbers of marriages. In 2000, there was an average of 2.3 million new marriages but in 2010, there was an average of 2 million. It’s hard to say why this is; perhaps the hard economic times forced couples to hold off on their dream wedding. Or maybe couples started asking real questions, leading them to realize that although love is there, they are two completely different people in terms of faith, future, work ethics and finances. So, before you marry your Mr. Perfect, know why they want to get married and ask the tough questions first. Here’s a great list of topics and questions you should ask before getting married: Finances One of the topics couples fight on the most is the subject of money.

Before you obtain married, here’s what to ask about finances and money: Do you want a joint account? Do you believe in establishing a family budget? What is your annual income? Do you have significant debt? Who will take care of the home finances and bills? How often do you use credit cards? What are your feelings on saving money? Romance and Sex Men and women have different issues when it comes to sex. Ed Young, mega-church pastor, has been married to his wife Lisa for 27 years, wrote “The 10 Commandments of Marriage,” a book of 10 commandments that every marriage should follow including: Thou Shalt Flee Sexually Temptation — Online and Otherwise. To make sure you and your partner are on equivalent page when it comes to sex, here’s what you need to ask: Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? What do you need in order to be in the mood? How often do you need or expect sex? Are you willing to be abstinent from sex until marriage? Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity for a good marriage? If physical attraction was eliminated from our relationship, what would be left?

If I put on weight, will it affect our sexual relationship? What turns you off sexually? Do you agree that infidelity is a means for divorce? Do you think being in love means: (1) Never having to say you’re sorry, (2) Always having to say you’re sorry, (3) Knowing when to say you’re sorry, or (4) Being the first to say I’m sorry? (This info is from Love The Grows) Family A must-talk about before marriage is family. Asking if children is an option and a time frame on when to start building a family are key.