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Relationship experts say that often when an Ex knocks your door, you start second-guessing yourself. You tend to focus more on the good times and downplay the real problems. Even if you start dating your ex, over-time, as soon as the clouds of emotions go away, those deal breakers will still be there. It’s best if you don’t go down the same road again. Trust was a huge problem Trust is extremely important for a healthy relationship. If you broke up because your boyfriend was insecure, jealous, he cheated on you or he had trust issues, you shouldn’t be wanting him back. Let’s suppose you do start dating him again, either one of you will end up relying on a spying apps like Xnspy or TrackMyFone to snoop on each other. Trust me, you deserve a relationship that makes you feel secure, not the one that keeps you awake at night.adult date friend finder
You don’t want to put the time and effort to dating It’s one of the worst reasons to even consider dating your Ex. Why, you ask? Because it just means you are feeling lonely. I understand going back to dating can be tough but reaching out to your Ex to feel good again isn’t really a good option. Spend some time being single. You need it. Spending time with him makes you feel miserable Are you feeling miserable? If yes then chances are you have already started dating him again. Don’t cling onto the good times in the hope that he will change or things will be back to normal. If spending time with him makes you emotionally drained, you are better off without him. You are looking for an ego boost When you are in a relationship, you need comfort by the knowledge that your partner loves you and cares about you. But as soon as you break up, this security net falls apart too. You will feel lonely particularly if you are having a hard time finding the right person to date. The easy way out is to date your Ex and feed your ego.
You assume that you can fix your relationship problem When you couldn’t solve the problems when you were together, you cannot solve them now. It’s a fact that you must accept as soon as possible. Let’s say he cheated on you multiple times and you think you can keep a check on him using Xnspy or any other spouse monitoring app, you are wrong. If you couldn’t fix his cheating problem then, you can’t fix it now either. There is no point in giving him another chance if he can’t change. You are worried you might never love again There is plenty of fish in the sea and you will find someone who is better than Ex. Don’t rush, don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you. This is going to require patience from your end and it is going to be disappointing and even frustrating but you will eventually find someone who truly appreciates you. The wait is worth it. You are looking for happiness in your Ex No, your Ex does not have the key to your happiness. In fact, nobody does. The only person who make you happy is you. I know you must have heard this multiple times but it’s true. You will feel miserable and it’s totally normal.
For emotional support, don’t hesitate to call a friend. Friends are the cheapest therapist, you know. You have unresolved issues Are there any unresolved issues between the two of you? Have you tried addressing them before? If you did, they either weren’t resolved or your boyfriend simply refused to acknowledge them. Whatever the case, if those issues still exist, it is not recommended to get back with your Ex. Is the second chance really worth it? Some of you might be thinking to ignore the aforementioned signs and I get it, it can happen if you are going through a roller-coaster of emotions. The sex might feel good and everything may seem positive but all of this temporary. Once this excitement wears off, you might not want to be with this person. Do me a favor, ask yourself can you really spend the rest of everything with this person? Do you want to be relying on monitoring app or any other piece of technology to be sure your boyfriend is n’t cheating on you again? If you are unsure, it’s pretty clear you end it right away and part ways.
You don’t deserve to go through the pain again and neither do they. You had a good reason or maybe lots of good reasons to let him go. Don’t force him back into everything. The sooner you realize it, the easier it will be to move on. Yes, there are cases where things worked out between two Exes but if the past problems in your relationship are still there, DON’T date your Ex again. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, infidelity, love making, relationship, Sex I’ve said it before, the OkTrends blog is a fucking goldmine of information… When they post shit.
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Their last post was more than a couple of years ago. Naturally the lack of updates is kinda shitty. But who cares, right? It’s OkCupid! On July 28th OkCupid posted a new article regarding an experiment that they’d been running over there. The article is an informative read, even if it comes off douchey and detached at times. Christian Rudder takes us all for a deep dive into whether or not they know what the fuck they’re actually doing. Now, not having read the article I am able to tell you that I give zero fucks about whether or not they know what they’re doing.
I know that it works for me. Why? Because it allows me to connect on my most base desires.https://topadultreview.com/ Is the woman attractive to me? Is she not a right-wing nut job? And is she a little sluttier than other women of similar locales and traits. Boom. It’s pretty easy for me.
But Rudder, as I noted, goes deep here, in his article. In the article Rudder suggests that “Love Should be Blind.” After throwing out some figures from their ‘Love is Blind’ campaign, which celebrated their defunct ‘Crazy Blind Date’ offering they noted some key metrics gathered when OkCupid removed all photos from the site. Conversations between people went deeper; people were more likely to respond to first messages and people took conversations offline more quickly. “OkCupid worked better,” Rudder said. In short we’re fucking assholes… It seems like good judgment to me that we abuse and exploit the limits regarding the technologies provided to us for any given thing. I do it. But that’s not really the whole story here. OkCupid ran an experiment. Purposely mis-matching daters as compatible when they were otherwise incompatible. The experiment? To see if the match percentages actually suggested anything. They tested out matching poor matches with one another by fudging the percentages. It’s an interesting experiment, to be sure. But, fuck, man. Being an adult is already fucking hard and online dating can be a cruel mind-fuck without some nerdy shits running tests… Dating is already an obstacle course, I feel. But making it into a ‘Ninja Warrior’ challenge is just fucking mean, man.
Yeah, it’s some twisted shit, but if the data gained from these experiments helps to make their offering better then I am able to see its merit. However, I’m going to assume that they sit on the data and reaction from this post while they pimp out Rudder’s “Dataclypse” book. Now, they at least told daters that they were part of an experiment. So that’s good. And, really, I genuinely do find the experiments intriguing and I’d like to see more of what they unearth about their users’ nature. One of the things that I like about the OkTrends blog is that it’s transparent and uncovers some “inconvenient truths” about who we are and how we are online. And, you know what? It’s kinda fucking sad, people.
We’re not as great as we think we are. While this Experiment from OkCupid is shitty on many levels, it does peel back a few layers on the user behavior and suggests that we’re as superficial as the tools available to us allow for. What do you think of their experiment? Were you a part of it? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: News, Online Dating Tagged in: okcupid, oktrends Men seem more hesitant about both making friends and celebrating their friendships. miniwide/Shutterstock.com On Feb. 13, women will celebrate Galentine’s Day, a holiday trumpeting the joys of female friendships.
The holiday can trace its origins to a 2010 episode of “Parks and Rec,” in which the main character, Leslie Knope, decides that the day before Valentine’s Day should be an opportunity to celebrate the platonic love among women, ideally with booze and breakfast food. In the years since the episode aired, the fictional holiday has caught on in the real world. But why hasn’t there been a male equivalent? If anything, it seems that men should crave such a holiday. As a sociologist who studies gender, culture and politics, I know that men are reporting that they feel increasingly isolated as they age, and that this isolation can negatively affect their physical and mental health. But it seems that a set of cultural pressures prevent a holiday like “Malentine’s Day” from catching on. Age and isolation For one, men have more difficulty making and keeping friends as they age. This could be due to the fact that male friendships are often activity-based, with men often bonding while participating in shared social activities, whether it’s playing cards or watching sports.
But as men enter the workforce, their availability for clubs, sports teams and social groups ebbs. As they find themselves increasingly emphasizing their careers and families, it virtually disappears. Other men have noted that they’re afraid that close male friendships will be perceived as “girly.” Similarly, openly admitting that you crave close relationships might be seen as weak or needy – the opposite of the stoic male celebrated in American culture.
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Whatever the reason, men report that the number of close friends they have shrinks dramatically during middle age. The really bad news for men is that their friendship networks rarely strengthen after the kids are out of the house in addition they retire. And a reversal of fortune in men’s friendships seems unlikely. In fact, men seem to be getting more socially isolated over time. Men report having fewer friends in 2004 than they did in 1985. Friendship out of the spotlight Even for men that do have a big group of male friends, there seem to be some cultural barriers that prevent the full-throated, public celebration of male affinity and companionship. One is the cultural expectation that “real men” aren’t supposed to be emotional – something that’s hammered into boys from a young age. So even when men have close male friend groups, a public celebration might be seen as sappy and antithetical to real manhood. Even men who try to break the mold of gender stereotypes or show that they are in touch with their feminine sides still feel pressured to demonstrate their manhood to others. For example, men are supportive and caring, but still feel compelled to prove that they are the breadwinners due to their families. This doesn’t mean that men’s relationships are doomed to be shallow.
Men often prefer actions over words to signal that they care about someone, and these performances – particularly ones involving friendship and love – tend to be understated. Men might show friends they care by helping them move furniture, or show partners affection by running errands or doing chores around the house. In other words, the ways men form and celebrate friendship don’t lend themselves well to boozy group breakfasts that can be photographed and liked on social media. [ Like what you’ve read? Want more? Sign up for The Conversation’s daily newsletter. ] Deana Rohlinger is affiliated with the National Institute for Civil Discourse. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Be wary of potential love interests you meet online because scammers can break not only your heart but also your wallet. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) reports that romance scams are now the costliest type of online fraud in the country. In 2018, victims of romance scams lost a whopping $143 million, eclipsing all the other incidents of fraud reported to the FTC. People lost an average of $2,600 to scammers, which increased to $10,000 if the victims were over 70 years old.
One of the most significant cases of romance scams involved $46 million stolen from victims. Federal authorities busted a criminal network and indicted 80 people for the crime. All the defendants charged are Nigerians preying on the elderly, businesses, and people looking for love online. For a little contrast, the reported losses for online dating fraud in 2015 was $33 million. This single case trumps that by a mile. The Anatomy of an Online Romance Scam Romance scammers are experts at social engineering, victim targeting, and background research. Scammers scour the web searching for candidates they can impersonate and build a bogus profile around. Most of the people they choose to use as their avatar are either from the armed forces, work in construction, or the medical field. These criminals create fake profiles on social media and dating sites or apps using counterfeit credentials. Everything is a lie, from their age, education, religious opinions, and profile picture. They then troll these sites looking for potential targets based on the person’s age, marital status, and public posts.
Romance scammers make initial contact with their victims on dating sites, Facebook, Instagram, and chat apps. All the scenarios start and end the same way Scammers build trust by being there whenever the victim wants to chat or talk. They are compassionate, understanding, and always listening. They know exactly what to say because they studied their victims’ profiles extensively. The last part of the dance is as soon as the romance scammer makes up a sob story and asks the victim to send over money, promising to pay it back as soon as possible. In most cases, the victim falls hard for the scammer. He/she keeps on sending money, despite never receiving any payment back or finally meeting the supposed lover in person. Beware of the Lies The modus operandi of scammers and their lies are mostly equivalent. They’ll tell their victims they’re traveling or living outside the U.S. Some of the most used lies are: I work in construction.I have a building and construction business and currently working on a project.I’m an active member of the military.I’m a medical doctor working in a international organization. When it comes to asking for money, scammers usually tell their targets these lies: Pay medical expenses for an illness or surgery.Pay off a gambling debt.Pay customs fees to send or retrieve something.Ran out of funding for a construction job.Pay for a plane ticket and visa so they can finally come over to meet the victim in person.They are trapped in an airport and in need of funds for traveling documents to get out to discover the victim. Scammers ask for money in different ways. Some ask their victims to wire cash, while others use reload cards or gift cards from Amazon, Steam, or iTunes. Scammers love using gift and reload cards because they can get the cash fast while remaining anonymous.
Transactions of this nature are difficult to reverse. If you suspect you’re the target of a romance scam: Stop all communications with the person ASAP.Report it and file a complaint at ftc.gov/complaint.Investigate background information by using online background check companies and tools.Check if other people posted similar scam stories by searching for the type of job the person claims to have (e.g. “oil rig scammer”)Conduct a reverse image search on Google Images using the profile picture of the person to see if it belongs to someone else. If there are several accounts and the details don’t add up, you’re dealing with a fake profile.talk to someone close to you whom you trust and would give you a no B.S. assessment of your new love interest. Avoid Falling for Romance Scams and Keep Your Money If you frequent dating sites and are active on social media, keep your profile private and never respond to strangers claiming they know someone in your circle. On the money side, the advice is simple: never send money or gifts to someone you’ve never met in person. That’s it. You’ll see a drastic change in the person once you say no to a money request, and you’ll know in a heartbeat that he/she is trying to scam you. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: Online dating; romance scam Relationships are hard and they are tricky. We know we have to work at them and just because it’s broke doesn’t mean you ditch it. I’ve collected and listed out some things that I hold as truisms. Some of those are well-known bits of wisdom, some are my own, but all are whimsically presented here for you.
Maybe they help and provide some insight. Feel free to provide your own in the comments section. In a fight with your lover, remember that there’s a problem to be solved. Attack the problem and not each other. Checking in, from time to time, with how you are feeling about the relationship is healthy. Pick a day and instead of going out and doing something fun, you explore how you each feel about the relationship. Speak up. I struggle with this one.
When I speak up about what bothers me I feel better and I feel relieved. It serves to bring you both closer together. Peoples’ actions tell the story, not their words. Pay attention to what people do. Being vulnerable is hard, for sure. Your vulnerability can build trust between two people and sometimes you need to put yourself out there if you like things to advance. Yes, that means you could get hurt. That’s life.
Be a partner. Find a partner and not your parents or someone who will pick up after you. Find someone you’d want to share a midnight snack with. Interpret that however you like. Love is insane and it is crazy. You never act like yourself. Understand that and be ready to forgive yourself and also your lover when things go bat shit crazy. That you don’t physically harm one another. Ever. Listen.
I mean really, really listen. Whatever it is it’s there. Whatever will be will be. That saying about letting setting something free is pretty spot on. Sometimes people have to find unique path. If it leads back to you, party on Wayne! If you let someone go in addition they come back to you, it’s worth working on. One of the hardest things to learn is knowing when done is really done.
They who love first has it the worst. That thing about the person who cares the least has the most power in a relationship is totally true. No one can save you, but they can help lift you up if you let them! Sometimes YOU are the asshole. Say you’re sorry. Understand that you’ll fuck up. A lot! Learn to say that you’re sorry, remember number 16. Being with someone because you’re afraid to be alone is an awful thing to sentence yourself to, and even worse for your lover. Learn how to enjoy being alone and not having to need someone. Be the types of person you’d matchmake your loved ones with. Speaking your mind doesn’t prompt you to an asshole. Being disrespectful of your lover’s feelings does. Don’t do something special for your lover because of the affection you want to receive. Do something special because it “just feels” like the right thing to do.
Also known as “just because.” Don’t stop dating. It’s easy to let life take over but it’s important to do things that are new and fun together. Ask your loved one for advice on something that is hard or embarrassing for you yourself to deal with. It is vital to be able to give love. It’s just as important to be able to receive love, too.